strong.

So once a week this semester I have clinicals. This semester I am taking OB and Pediatrics so I work very little with adults, most all of my patients are children.
I really like kids.
I figured, hey, this is gonna be cool.
But it has been so much more than that. These kids are so innocent, so loving, so heartbreaking. They aren't even mine and yet as I hold them I think of how right now there is nothing I wouldn't do for them. It makes me think about my life later on down the line. It makes me wonder about my future. But it also has been teaching me more reasons why God placed me in this major.
I've never been one to really cry, and I'm pretty suremost of my life I've thought I was pretty tough.
And lately, God has been destroying that too.


Yeah. Broke me.

What's really interesting is people are so in to "just being yourself". "Embrace who you are." Don't get me wrong, that's all well and good. God made you who you are. But a lot of the time, somewhere along the way I think we become this certain way, people like it, and you accept it as who are you. We start to decide "who we are", and I think we don't even realize it to be able to give it up to God, until a situation comes around that makes us wonder.
Let me give an example. I loved making people believe I was a really strong person. That things that really bothered other people didn't really affect me. I remember my friends would watch a commercial and cry and I would laugh at them. And they'd say stuff like "well we all can't be as strong as you Haley." Was I being myself? Or was I being someone that I just wanted to be. Because I know there's been situations that broke my heart and I've fought everything in me to make it seem like it didn't affect me.
I think what I was really doing was just fighting compassion.
So what did God do? He put me in a field that will break your heart every day of the week. He did it for me, so that I could learn to be more like him, and I didn't even see it coming.

I'm learning that even if crying does equal weakness, that would be appropriate for me. Because the only thing that holds me up is Christ. And that's the way it should be. He can make me strong through Him. And that's the me I'd much rather be.

I'm learning that strength might not always be fighting to stay up, but might be allowing something to break you down. To let stuff in. To accept the pain that comes with love and compassion because pain is not necessarily a bad thing.


Anyway, just a peek into what goes on in my head. I hope everyone is enjoying this wonderful fall. Thank goodness Thanksgiving is only a few weeks away!

life.

So I know this is only the second week of school, but it's also the last week before clinicals start, and so it's been a little more stressful than anticipated. I have an IV check off, a pedi math test I have to make a 90 on to pass, a paper due Thursday morning, a trip to Waco to check out the hospital and a simulation all within three days.
But on top of that, I am really having a hard time focusing on school. And I think it's because for the first time, I really don't want to be here.
I want to be there. And I don't know where there is yet.
I'm so confused about where Father wants me next summer. If He wants me somewhere next summer.
What if I was taken overseas to see how amazing it is, and to know that I will make multiple trips around once I become a nurse?
Or am I supposed to go there next summer?
Am I supposed to live there for a short time after I graduate?
At this time, I don't believe Father wants me to live overseas permanently. I'm really not sure why He'd give me a desire to flight nurse and then take me out of the only country that it's really prevalent in. But I don't know. Desires change.

The issue I'm having is that deadlines for trips are coming up. I'd need to sign up and start raising money as soon as I can, especially since I don't have time to work.

I want to know where I'm supposed to go, but I don't feel like I've been given an answer. Maybe that's the answer in itself. Maybe I'm not supposed to know now. Maybe it's a trip that I haven't been presented yet. Maybe He'll place something in my lap that's so beyond amazing for what He wants me to do.
Maybe He doesn't want me to go somewhere this summer, and instead work on getting my EMT before I graduate.
And maybe He's just teaching me patience and to rely on Him more than I already do.
Yeah. He's definitely doing that.

It's so easy to forget that life is more about obedience than activity. If I'm not supposed to go on a trip, that doesn't mean that what I'm doing here is any less important. It's definitely not.
Sometimes I just feel stuck in a rut here, like I should be somewhere overseas, doing something. I can just completely miss the point of everything, over and over again. That's when Father gently opens my eyes to the fact that He wants me here. I'm at this school, in this major, because He wants me to be. I'm being obedient in that way. Now I just have to do it with the right heart.
Though it's okay for me to love the people on the other side of the world, I shouldn't be consumed, especially to the point that I miss the hurting people right in front of me.

Father, only You know my life. I just ask that You do what You want with it.

thoughts on God. people. compassion.

Anyone who knows me at all knows that I adore missions.
Everything about them. The creativity, how peoples hearts really show through when they're helping people, how everyone has that breaking point but maybe not everyone has the same. I love watching how people so different can work together as one. I love how Father can bring everyone together over and over and over and over, to unite over something, something that will change peoples lives for the better.
I love passion.
Why does this happen?
Because we care.
How?
Because of God.
As a nursing major, I've figured out there really is no other reason. If we were just a bunch of atoms put together randomly with no purpose, then we really wouldn't care about what happened to other people.
But we do.
Because we have a purpose. And that purpose, 100%, is to bring glory to our Father.
And the simplest (though not easy) way to do this, is to care. And what's more, to do something with that caring.

So today I was shopping around online. I've wanted this hat.
http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/krochet-kids-betty-cap/3141310?origin=category
So so cute. The best part is, there's a message from the person who made it, that was saved from whatever horrible situation they were in before.
Well, when I googled this, some more sites came up.
One was TOMS, which is great. But another was something I had never heard of before.
I watched the video on it, and read the blog, and may have cried a bit.
So I wanted to share it with you. Take the time to watch it. Take the time to pray for this situation. Take the time to think of if there's anything you can do, and if not, just spread the news about it. I had never heard of it, but it definitely made an impact on me.
www.fallingwhistles.com

And if this isn't this doesn't break your heart, take a minute to evaluate were your heart is. I know that everyone isn't in the same place, but you should always be praying for compassion. I believe it's God's gift to us to bond us all together. Pray for it, and you'd be surprised how quickly He'll answer.

I'm loving...

So I'm living in an apartment now.
It's looking pretty good, but I'm looking forward to putting more personal touches on it. I'll be sure to update this as it goes. Since this is my first weekend really being here, I'm excited to get to be all crafty and really figure out what I want for this place. But just as of right now I'm disliking...
All this reading I'm having to do...

I'm loving...
This painting I bought in the Middle East

My go-to show when I need to relax my brain... this or Modern Family.

Cookies. Because I'm human.

My guilty pleasure. I'm slightly obsessed.

Even this toenail polish.

So far, this semester has been much harder for me to fall into. Normally, I get into it pretty quickly, but I've really just not had the desire to do school this semester. Which is very unlike me. Hopefully, once this 105 degree weather goes away I'll be able to get more excited about this. We'll see how it goes.

just a glance.

Sometimes, I'm good at blogging.

Sometimes, I'm not.

Lately, this has been a not.

I had a lot of stuff going on this summer, which I will hopefully get to share at some point, but right now there's something bigger to talk about. Something that is going to take much more than one blog to talk about all the people I met and lessons I learned and ways that I fell on my face and ways that my life was changed but... you've gotta start somewhere.

So basically...

I spent 5 weeks overseas in the middle east. And it was the most

amazing

hard

eye-opening

infuriating

tear-jerking

life-changing

experience of my life.

It's amazing how when you pray a prayer of desperation, for God to just make himself 100% and you nothing, how serious He takes it. How He breaks you down a little more each day, until you finally reach rock bottom after weeks and realize that now, there is nothing seperating you. You can just look up through the pit and see Him. Feel Him. Know Him.

It's amazing how you can have the Holy Spirit fill you like in Acts, how it comes upon them so suddenly. How you realize that is Jesus telling you exactly what to do, and if you just listen, He can change your entire day in a way that would have been completely inconceivable, and even impossible, for you to do on your own.

It's amazing how hard the concept of obedience over activity is. How you can be doing something that's "right", maybe even "really right", like reading your Bible or going to church, but that might not be the exact thing Father is calling you to do at that moment. I'm not reasoning out excuses to not go to church or not read your Bible because that's wrong. And I'm not giving reasons to do this for selfish reasons like "I just need some time to relax and be with family/friends." No. I'm saying that Jesus never sinned, and yet He healed peoples crippled hands (in Mark) on the Sabbath. He was the ultimate example of obedience over activity. How you have to be in tune with God every single day, every single moment to even have this work.

It's amazing to me that we could be set to prayer walk for 3 hours a day, and how it changes your mindset to where at the end of the 3 hours you're not bored or tired of praying, you just keep praying throughout every day, every time you see something that you wouldn't have noticed before but God now breaks your heart for.

It's amazing to me how God could change plans I had made. Completely obliverate these ideas that were going to be amazing, and replace them with something that will real.

I've learned so much, but there's a previous of the billions of thoughts going on in my head. I encourage you to take a moment to just think on one of them throughout your day, and see if maybe God shows you something out of it.

God is, has been, and forever will be working, loving, and faithful.

oh, family.

Vacations with my family are always so much fun.
My mom is a great planner. She thinks about the stuff we're interested in and finds a way to incorporate that into our trips.
However, I must say though my favorite parts of this trip were:

-beat boxing with my brother for hours in the car

- "your mom" to everything

-full bodyslam wrestling with my family in the hotel every night for the remote

- yelling "that's my brother" every time he made a three pointer

- not noticing that our table in branson rose all the way up to my chin while i was eating

- screaming "chipotle" every single time we passed one

-refusing to give my mom bathroom breaks

-laughing so hard my stomach hurt

even though I ended up spending some of it in urgent care and definitely didn't enough sleep because of that, it was a fun trip. Can't wait till summer.

Hardships and blessings

For the past couple weeks, my family has been having a hard, hard time.
Money issues. Grade issues for me and my brother. Car issues. Friend issues. Stupid financial aid.
Stress, Stress, Stress.

Every day, more things kept happening. It got to the point where I was past crying and just laughed the more terrible things got.
My mom kept saying "eventually things are gonna turn around".

And then they did.

I got a call from my mom saying that we got a couple thousand dollar donation to our mission trips, and now are pretty much paid for.
I went to remediation for a test that I had barely failed, and my teacher raised my grade for going and now I'm passing the class with a B.
My dad got a really great car.
My brother got another chance with a messed up paper for his college class.
Financial aid is in the process of being worked out.

I love that God is so faithful. If we wouldn't have had the hardships, we wouldn't have realized how great what we got is, or how he really does take care of our every need.

So if you're going through a really hard time right now, take it to God. He'll help when you ask.

Drives

A lot of college students hate driving home.
It's understandable... while you're driving you're thinking all the millions of things you could be doing and how in 2 days you're going to be driving back.
But I have always really really enjoyed it. I love my drive home.
It just shows classic Texas. You see the switch from south Texas to central Texas. I just love it here so much.
With less than 2 years left in college, I've been starting to realize that from here, I can go anywhere.
Literally.

(It's kinda scary.)

The interesting thing is the more that I realize this, the more that I enjoy my surroundings. I don't know where God is going to send me, but wherever it is will be great. I can't wait for my mission trip... I really feel God is going to open my eyes to something. I don't know what, but I feel like it will be more than just a new culture... it'll be something like where I should live, or what exactly I'm going to be doing with my life. I can't wait.

Maybe that's why I'm still single. Maybe that's why I have this major. Maybe God put me on this path so that I can move around, and He knows that if not, I wouldn't be as free to travel, or be dangerous. My life has so many maybes but I'm really starting to get excited about them.

So for now, until those big choices start being made, I'll just enjoy my drives and think about how blessed I've been to grow up here.

Valentines

I really thought Valentine's day was going to suck. Last Valentine's was one of the worst days in my relationship with my ex-boyfriend, and so though it wouldn't be as bad as that was, it was still gonna be pretty darn unfortunate.
However, it was not.
I stayed at school this weekend and expected to do nothing but sleep. But instead, on Friday I went with my friends Zach and Aaron and watched Disney movies and ate cookies and played telephone pictionary with them for about 6 hours.
Saturday Zach called me and asked me to go to Hope for the Hungry with him. I had never been before so I went along.
They took us to the bad part of Belton (which if you've been to Belton... the only nice part is UMHB itself) and we played with these little kids in the park for hours. It was so much fun. They would just latch on to you and go crazy. I got full out tackled in football and didn't even care. I played with chalk and decorated cookies and played with bubbles and played tag and pushed people on the swings and did so many things that, as a college student, you don't get to do.
They made Valentine's to take to school and I was given some. It was such a great feeling, as weird as that sounds, to know that they only got to make a few (and this was probably all they were going to be able to have at all) and they chose to give them to us.
One little girl I was with looked at my Valentine and said "someone loves you!" I've thought about that so many times since then.
Sure I may not have a ring on my finger, or a boyfriend that brings me flowers. But I am loved. And that's more than enough.
The rest of the weekend was good too, I passed my pharmacology test, and my brother asked to be my Valentine. Life can't get much better than that.


My mom gave me a whole lot of presents too, which was awesome :)

closer.

There's always a song that just seems to fit my heart.
And right now... that's this.
Closer by Shawn Mcdonald


I remember years ago (we were still in our old house) my little brother asked my dad what's one thing that we should always pray. And my dad responded "God, I want to know you better." He didn't even know I was listening, but I have repeated that over and over throughout the years. This song just seems to coincide with that exactly, and this has been my prayer.

Snow, snow, snow.

And then it happened.
All that cold weather finally found a purpose, and we got out of school.
About an hour after I wrote that last blog every phone in the classroom started going off... the campus police were calling to say school was canceled for the rest of the day.
The rejoicing began.
I ordered a pizza (since the whole campus was closed, no food from there, and our electricity kept going off and on) and my two roommates for next semester came over, and we watched toy story 3 and planned out next semester.
I cleaned my room.
I shaved my legs.
Basically, I did stuff that I had wanted to do and hadn't had time.
The next day school was back in, and I was back to studying my butt off. I took a break to go to the basketball game though, and as I was there... it started snowing. REALLY snowing. And the president of the school stood up during the game and announced we would not have school the next day.

And the whole campus went wild.
Jackets, scarves, hats, mittens, rainboots, running outside, screaming out loud, freshmen to the quad, upperclassmen to the intermural fields (it's a college understanding). Dancing, screaming, hugging, realizing I can stay up for a reason other than studying. We made a cake and watched movies once we realized how tired we were and I fell asleep at a friend's apartment at 4. The next day we went out to walk around, which a lot of people did. We took pictures and thought about how other people were in school and how I was supposed to have a test this day.
The rest of the day I hung out and watched movies with another friend, and the RAs took me to Killeen to get a great american cookie because of having one of the highest grades in the class... (oh yeah, did i not mention that my grade got moved to an 87.5?).

Not a happy post.

This is not a happy post.
I am not exaggerating when I say I have had zero time to blog.
My days are wake up, be at class by 8, want to blow my brains out by 9, be stuck in class till 4, come back, study all night, do RA stuff.
(this semester blows.)
I've been counting down weeks since the first one. 13 left not including spring break.
So because of how crappy this has been, I guess God decided to play a joke on Texas.
...
It is cold.
Freaking freezing! Averaging less than 20, with snow, but snow that doesn't stick.
To make things even better, the power is going out every hour starting at 5 oclock this morning so, as an RA, all the girls are texting me freaking out so I didn't get to get sleep the last couple hours.
Now I'm in class. Typically I would be paying attention, however, today is so pointless.
All of our stuff is on the computer, but no computers can be plugged in, including the teachers. So she's just reading us stuff out of the book... which I've already read. Oh... the fury.
Not to mention the fact I have to retake a math test (that I didn't miss any problems on) because I didn't show all my work. Uuuggghhhhh.
I'm not even going to mention that Valentine's day is coming up which will be a fun day of depression.
And the fact I even have class from 9-3 on Saturday this week...
while on duty.
I warned you.

J1

I meant to blog during Christmas...
I really did.
But I didn't. Basically, I hung with family and friends and had a great time.

But now it's back to reality, and it just so happens, reality sucks this semester.
I'm a J1... for those who don't know what that means, it's the hardest semester of nursing school. You have no life, start clinicals, the whole shabang.

That started for me on Monday.
I went from waking up at 10 every morning, to waking up at 7:20, being at class by 8, and learning for the next 7 hours. Then going back to my room and
reading
studying
reading
watching nursing videos
reading
until I'm dead tired, and fall asleep around 12:30 just to wake up at 7:20 and start again.

I understand that whole no-life thing.

Oh well. As my dad reminded me on the phone today, it'll be worth it in the end.
And one of my 100328378927483 teachers told me today, it's all about positive attitude.

So even though I'm only 2 days into it and still have another month of frontloading (nursing way of saying stuffing so much information in you it actually runs from your brain out your ears) I'm just gonna remember to smile... which was actually my New Year's resolution. Last year's over, and now I can focus on things that really matter.

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I think...

Christmastime is here...

So this semester is pretty much over for me.
I have two finals tomorrow, but that's all. I just have to stay till Friday because I'm an RA.
I found out this morning I made an A in yoga and a B in Health Assessment, and it looks like another B in Foundations of nursing.
That's kind of freakin awesome.
Especially since I'm expecting 2 more A's in my psychology classes.

Now, really, I'm just ready to enjoy this Christmas time. Pageant is going on at my church and I just miss not being there so much. I loved pageant. It was always one of the highlights of my year. And now I'll only be there for a couple days of it.

I think everyone here is really trying to figure out how to celebrate Christmas away from home and everything we're used to. UMHB is all lit up, and just gorgeous. The school threw us a Christmas party on Thursday, complete with Santa, cookies, carolers, and games. Then Friday night my friend Aubrey had a Christmas party I went to, filled with sweets. Saturday night some carolers came by the dorms at 1 AM, complete with a guitar and a tambourine. And Sunday Jenna had a party where we all had to wear tacky Christmas sweaters and watch Elf. Tuesday we had a gingerbread making contest in our dorm. It's fun and cold and pretty outside, Texas has always been great at decorating. But I just can't wait to get back to my house. I feel like it won't be Christmas until then. And I know that starting tomorrow everyone will start heading back home, and I'll be stuck here till Friday. At least our school gets out before every other school in the state.

I know I'm never going to want this break to end, so maybe it's a good thing it hasn't started yet. Giving myself as much time as possible. Next semester is going to be hard. I'm refusing to let it completely take over my life. I want to still be able to do my job, and pass the classes, and sleep, and hang out with friends. I just have to find a way to make all those things balance. Being as a quarter of the J1 class failed this semester... it might be harder than I thought.
It's a good thing we're "more than conquerors" in everything we do right?

Yep. Shoulda done that.

Today I had my simulation.
It's the Health Assessment final.
I had no time to study since my last huge test was Monday, I had class and duty yesterday, and I'm sick.
Even if I failed, it shouldn't have affected my grade too much.
However, I am a little nervous....

I probably should have studied.

That's all I'm gonna say about that.

the blackest of black fridays.

Thanksgiving break was just what I needed. You reach a point in school where you can fully recognize that you need to be studying, or writing papers, or doing homework. And you just can't do it anymore. It is not physically possible. That's what happened to me. So thanksgiving break came at just the right time.
Thanksgiving itself was great, with family over. But it was all preparing for...
BLACK FRIDAY.
We had the plan. We had the list. The priority was a 32 inch HDTV for $198 from Walmart for my apartment next year.(I had videos, but they aren't loading on here for some reason)
For all you black friday shoppers, you know walmart screwed us all over this year. They started toys, movies, music, appliances, etc at midnight, and saved electronics for 5.
So we planned to hit up walmart at midnight, then get some sleep till hitting up target, kohls, sears, etc at 4 and then walmart electronics at 5 for the tv.
.... Our plan did not work out.
My typical black friday shopping has taught me being aggressive doesn't always work. However, being nice normally does. So I turn all doe-eyed and innocent and say "excuse me" "please" and "it's okay, i know you didn't mean to grab me and push me to the side just for a discounted bob the builder". So when i was at the movies I somehow ended up with an entire stack full while others who had ran and pushed and screamed had 2. I watched as the police attacked a man who had punched some woman in the face. Then I met with my mom and went to the check out. We're in a good mood, finished by about 12:15 with everything we needed. Going to sleep. When we heard a salesperson say "there's already a line for those 32" tvs". We froze. Walked back to the car slowly.
We both knew what we had to do.
And so we waited. From 12:15 till 5 in line. In the freezer section.
We became friends with in line next to us. Invented new ways to sit in carts. Got McDonalds from in the store (free refills since we never left the store). Picked up books from the book section and I finished the entire new Richard Paul Evans book I'd been wanting to read. My mom left to go to the other stores at 4. And at 5... I got my tv.
... Then waited in line till about 6:30 to check out.
Then ran out into the dark where it was now raining hard and about 40 degrees. We drove home, and I went to bed about 7.


When my brother saw these pictures he said I looked like a rockstar. or Lindsay lohan.

That week.

So like I had mentioned earlier, this was the hardest week of my semester. It went like this...
monday- huge nursing test. ended up getting a 76. super pysched.
tuesday- start spending every minute (not exaggerating) studying for the massive test friday. have a test in positive psych. have duty... one of my friend's offers to take the late part of my shift so i can sleep to prepare for clinicals. so thankful! Got no sleep... kept waking up thinking I was missing my test.
wednesday- up by 5:30. dressed in scrubs, run through shipleys, at Scott and White by 6:15. Meet my J1 (a student one semester ahead of me that already has patients) that I'm goin to follow for the day. And here's where things got even more complicated.

We never got to sit through the whole shift, ran from 6:45 to 12. Didn't get to do any of the paperwork I was supposed to do.
Went back to school... started studying. Met with my partner for the test on Friday. Then met with my buddy to study more. Studied all night, no sleep again.
Thursday- up at 5:30. Back to my patient. Started paperwork on the rare moments we could sit.
Left at about 12:10. Went through Taco Bell drive-through and had to go straight to class. After class, went straight back to study for the rest of the night, except when I had an RA meeting. Dying from sleep exhaustion.
Friday- met with Ashleigh first thing in the morning to keep studying. Test pushed back a half hour. At 11, had the biggest test, where you and your new partner have to do a complete physical in 30 minutes, testing about 60 things in order, in front of the nursing professors, with no notes and nothing to write on. Then you go to another room and have to write down every result so they can compare it with theirs. I was shaking through it, but just did my best. When I finished I heard something that almost made me pass out. My teacher put down her pencil, took a deep breath and said...
"I'm shocked. You did the best I've seen so far. I'm not supposed to tell you this but... you got a 99. You're going to be great. Keep it up."
Finally, hard work paying off. Now all I had was weekend duty... still with no sleep. But I got to see my family and spend the weekend with one of my friends from Japan.
Thanks God. I needed that sooo much.

One of those days.

Today was one of those days.
You know the kind.
And I think it's leading up to one of those weeks.
The kind that just...
suck.

I spent the weekend studying. Pretty much... the whole weekend. And I had spent the week before doing the same. Because I knew that this week was going to be miserable. But I also knew I had to do good on this test.

I didn't.

I failed... And I don't fail.

So I called my mom when I walked out of the classroom. She said "hey baby! How'd you do?" All cheery even at 8:30 in the morning. And I started bawling like a baby walking to my dorm.
And then my dad called. He told me how it's okay. How great I do in school. How this doesn't even matter. How I'm so much smarter than him. (bull crap). How I just need to take a moment to relax, and then move on to the next thing.
I informed him how it won't matter how much time I spend studying on my next test, I'm still gonna fail at it, and started crying harder.

I fell asleep, set my alarm for PM instead of AM and ended up sleeping for 4 hours.

Slept through my only open lab for my test on Friday.

Practiced on a girl a couple rooms down.

Started studying.

Got on facebook to find the girl I'll be doing my test on for Friday. Saw that I had been added to a facebook group for the mission trip I'm going on next summer. It had a little "about me" thing they wanted us to do, so I did it real fast. The last question? What's your favorite Bible verse. Without thinking, I typed mine down. It wasn't till I was rereading my post to check for mistakes that the verse actually hit me.

James 1:2-4: " Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

I was definitely finding no joy in this. I was pissed. I had already emailed the teacher and am meeting with her tomorrow... spent all my time studying already...

I don't feel mature. But maybe that's because I'm not finding joy. I shouldn't let this hit me this hard. It's only school, and I need to remember that though it is important, it is in no way everything. It's just one little part of my life. And if God wants to teach me lessons through this, I should be able to learn from them the same as anywhere else.

And once this week is over, I'll have Thanksgiving. And I'll be able to genuinely thank God for getting me through this week without going pyscho.

Weird post, but go with it.

So, I don't know if you watch Lord of the Rings.
A lot of people think it's too violent, or just flat out gross.
However, I definitely don't see it that way. In fact, the more I see that the more I think that movie is flat out beautiful.
... I don't blame you for thinking that's weird. But hear me out.

LOTR was written by J.R.R. Tolkien, who just so happened to be best friends of C.S. Lewis, who wrote the Chronicles of Narnia (which is another one of my favorite movies). These were both made into movies about the same time. The amazing thing that these have in common is they both have some very obvious Christian symbolism. Narnia is written more for the younger kids, and LOTR is more towards teenagers and adults.

I was watching the final movie of the trilogy at one of the boys dorms last night, and it was amazing how I felt God opening my eyes to so many things in that movie that I had never really seen before.

If you haven't seen the movie I really recommend them, even if it's not your normal kinda thing. The reason is, they make you think. They make you see things in a different way. They make you feel. They make you wonder what you would do if you were in that situation. There's violence, but really, it's a story about the fight between good and evil. And what's amazing is, you realize that this is really... kinda... how life is.

Now I'm sure if you've seen a commercial for it and seen the big ugly Orks or random dragons flying around... you don't think that's how life is. But I think parts of this movie are about spiritual warfare. I think the beginning, how everything is perfect and right in the world and nothing too exciting ever really happens... that's how we typically see life. Sure, there's life and there's death but our lives are honestly not that ridiculous or unfair. But then, to do what's right to really make a difference that will affect the whole world, they have to leave their home and comfort and face things they never thought was possible or real. That is what brings us into the spiritual warfare part. There are things going on, a full out war raging all around us that we walk in complete oblivion to. This should be a real eye opener for us.

You see many different characters, and you can kind of figure out who that person is in your life. The person you look up to, the born leader, the person who makes you laugh, the people who can't seem to grow up, all with different talents and abilities and weaknesses, all that are trying to do what's right to fulfill the mission that's laid out for them. They help you grow, and change who you are.

You see situations that you feel like you would never really be in, like fighting a dragon. But the more I think about it, the more you realize that could look like anything that is trying to consume you and bring you down. It's all satan. He can be big and ugly, but he can be beaten.

You see situations that you know happen everyday that break your heart, like a son never feeling good enough for his father.

You see situations like a girl realizing that the guy she's in love with, doesn't reciprocate those feelings.

But there was a part that I just thought "whoa. that's me right now." And that was last night when Frodo Sam and Gollum were climbing up the side of this slick mountain. They were running out of food and had no strength. And I thought, you know, that is me right now. I'm just climbing. In school, I'm trying. I know I could easily slip and mess everything up for me. I could give up. I could listen to Gollum (who I'm guessing is a demon or just very messed up person) and get distracted and depressed. Or I can keep going, though it feels never ending and sometimes just makes you want to cry, though you can't see the end. You can just keep climbing until you reach the top. Because reaching the top is a victory... even if it means you're about to face a spider the size of 4 grizzly bears.

Anyway, I was shocked going through the movie yesterday. Narnia has a really obvious christian message, it pretty much follows the Bible straight up in parts. But LOTR isn't like that. And I could never really find the symbolism. But yesterday it was like so many possibilities of what was going through Tolkien's mind entered mine and I fell in love with the movie all over again.

The whole movies are fantastic, but I love how in these movies, the underlying message always seems to be hope. Just wait, because God has a plan. Though this part down below is taken out of context, it shows the hope, and how God works in mysterious ways. It also shows why it won best picture, cause it's gorgeous.

Anyway, I recommend watch them if you haven't, even if at first it seems weird. God really can open your eyes to things about that movie that really change the way you think, and can be a motivation for you. And watch Narnia too, they aren't alike, and I have yet to meet someone who didn't love it.

Hope for the sex trafficked.

So at Focus yesterday we learned about sex trafficking.
It's gotten really bad and just keeps getting worse.
I always thought "man. All these gross guys going to strip clubs and really getting a whole lot more than that. Messing up some poor girl's life just to fulfill their own perverted fantasy."
But we watched a video about this girl who said that her abuser would take them to truck stops all night long, and they'd go from truck to truck forced to ask if they wanted to have sex with them. And guy after guy would say yes. This had been going on for a while (days at least) before a guy finally called the cops and told them that these girls looked a little young for this. It shut down the whole ring and got those poor stolen girls out of there.
Apparently another common place is to take them to different construction sites.
It's just random places like that that are just full of men.
But here's my question.
There are christian truck drivers.
There are christian construction workers.
There are pretty much christians in every field all over the U.S. now.
So... how does that still happen?
Why isn't there a christian at the construction site that speaks up? Calls the cops? Works to get that girl out of there?
Why doesn't that trucker pull her inside and act like all the other guys, but maybe he calls the cops and lets her call her parents?
These perverted pimp guys should be scared everywhere they go with fear of a christian speaking up and saving those girls from their disgusting clutches.
This should be something rare. It shouldn't be the largest growing act of crime because every time we even suspect something, we should be acting.
Helping people should be a priority. Not looking down on someone without knowing their story. Or trying to take advantage of them.
Just because they ask for it, doesn't mean they still aren't being forced.

God, please help these poor girls that are being forced into this degrading, painful, embarrassing act. Please give them hope, and get them out of these situations. Father please also help men to step up and act on what's right. Let men realize that this is wrong , and they should be using the power they have to help these girls, not push them further into despair. And God, please keep our eyes open so that if we see something we don't dismiss it, but act. Give us Your eyes. Amen.