storms, thoughts, friends.

It's raining outside right now. Storming.
There's nothing more amazing than Texas storms.
It's lightning and thundering and you can hear the wind pushing against the building.
It's really crazy how something that should be so scary and can cause such damage is so beautiful and awe-inspiring.
It's night, and it's raining, and I'm just curled up inside with chocolate milk trying to make sure I don't get sick and studying for nursing and watching FRIENDS. It's nice to have some time to myself to get everything I need to get done finished.
It seems like every day I'm out with friends or out running around and I love it sooo much. I never just chill by myself anymore, unless I'm studying.
I just got an email saying my midterm grades are up. I thought "there must be some kind of mistake. It can't be midterms already. It's only been a few weeks." I don't want this semester to end. I'm not ready for next semester, being busy all the time. I feel like this is what college has been supposed to be like, and now it's almost gone.
I just have to remind myself J1 is the hardest semester. I get through next semester, and I get a whole summer with no school and then just a year and a half till I'm done.
I'm just going to enjoy this amazing semester God has given me to the fullest. I've been spending it with these people a lot.

I went to college station to see my bestie Hannah for her 20th birthday. It was soo much fun.

I hit up every home football game. This was homecoming with Jenna and Aubrey. We won by over 30 points, of course.

This is Aubrey and I going to Wild West. We hang out...every day. It's soo much fun. She's been keeping me sane this semester, and I think we're gonna get an apartment together next semester. God has blessed me with some amazing, Christian friends. I'm so thankful!!

He loves me.

God wants what's best for me. He loves me.
I dream of having someone who loves me forever, unconditionally. Why is it that I forget that I do have someone?
In fact, the very someone who invented love?
And He loves ME. A lot. Why does that sometimes not feel like enough? And seriously, how can I forget that?
How does that fade into the back of my mind?
He smiles when He sees me.
He doesn't want to change me, even the things I want to change.
He thinks I'm gorgeous.
I want to live for Him. I really and truly do. I just don't understand how my mind gets distracted.
Especially when I don't want it to.
Jesus is enough for me. I know this. And I believe this. So how do I let satan get in my head and think other thoughts, and then try to justify them? And why am I blind to it until I look back and think wait, what was I thinking? I wanted Jesus, and no one else.
How many times have I done this?
How many times will I continue to do this?
I hate letting people down.
I hate letting my Father down.
Especially when I think about how He loves me more than any human will. I should care more about disappointing Him every second than any human. But that isn't what ends up happening.

I chose my major because this is what God wanted. There is absolutely no way to see that as untrue. When I think back as to how I ended up getting here, I know it's all God. Because trust me, I had no desire to be a nurse until God changed my desires to His. I know this, because I was way too adamant about not being one.
And I'm stubborn, so He really changed my heart.
He's changed me in so many ways since school started. I feel like I'm a different person.
I'm learning to control myself.
I'm making friends out of no where.
I know it's because of God.
He's changing my heart to how I meet people, judge people, want to take care of people I don't even know.
I like this person he's shaping me into. I just wish I could stay focused on Him all the time, and not have moments where I don't know what just happened.

Lord, you're changing me. You know this. I love it. I just wish that I could stay focused on You forever. Please help keep my eyes focused on You throughout the distractions. I'm sorry that I let you down, but thank you so so much for this love that I don't deserve, because I don't know what I'd do without it.
I don't know what I'd do without You.
I love you.

doubts

Today for me was like a dream day for any college student. I had:
gone to Wild West, which is a country dancing hall in Waco that all the UMHB students go to every Thursday the night before
Danced the night away till 2
Spent the night at a close friend's apartment
Not had class
Woke up after 12
Went to the quad with a blanket, my laptop, math study cards and a couple of friends and chilled for a couple hours
Played with a friend's puppy
Had amazing fresh frozen yogurt at the store down the street
Enjoyed the 75 degree weather with the Texas blue sky
Right when I thought I had nothing to do, got a call from a great friend who invited me out to eat with him
Then went to a coffee house and hung out
Then went to another friend's house and watched a movie

All in all, a pretty rocking day. And yet in the midst of this day, satan was really messing with me. I was feeling so conflicted even while I was smiling. Cause somewhere in the back of my head, satan was planting these doubts in my head I had either never had, or not had in a very long time.

New doubts like: this math is going to be really hard on you. You have to do it for the rest of your life. Other people think it's easy but for you it's hard. You're too lazy for this career.

Nursing is really hard, the most difficult time-consuming major at this school. You won't be able to really enjoy the rest of your college career after this semester, but everyone else will be. Without you. Maybe you should just change your major. I mean seriously, did you even want to do this with your life?

This mission trip is already a lot of work. Did you even want to go in the first place? You're going out of your way to get all this stuff done and you already have too much to do. You shouldn't even be enjoying this, you should be shut in your room studying.

This guy doesn't like you, and he really hasn't this whole time. There's a whole slew of girls after him, and you never knew it. He just wanted to let you down easy, but didn't really know how. Now there goes the first crush you've had in 3 years, and he doesn't like you. I wonder if you'll be getting married before you die, or if you're just gonna have to settle after all the good ones are taken. Ones you could have had, if you weren't too busy focused on this one bad one.

I was thinking about the last one tonight, when all of the sudden those other ones came to mind. And I realized, you know what. I have some thinking to do. Maybe some big decisions to make. But all in all, God is the one in charge of my life. And I need to remember to let him take control every day, through my attitude and my thoughts, and remembering to live without regrets. We'll see what happens. But I love my Jesus. He can get me through anything.

random thoughts- about thoughts.

I've been really really busy lately. This year could not be more different from last year in every way. But when you're busy, things change. Even if you go to a school that's all about God, you can still become distracted.
That was me at the beginning of this semester. I just hadn't figured out quite yet how to sort everything out between only 24 hours a day. Though this might be taking it to an extreme, I think I kept unconsciously thinking God, give me another hour and then we'll talk.
But then things finally started sorting out and now it's better. I got my priorities back in order. Going to UMHB is amazing, and I'll explain how I've been thinking about this school in another post, but they give you God in every little thing. It's so easy to praise Him in everything you do here. But what I've really been thinking about is how we're supposed to hold our thoughts captive... and exactly how hard that really is. Because my thoughts half the time are so random, if I think back I can't even figure out how I got there.
Now keeping your thoughts captive is really important. Satan plants thoughts, doubts, insecurities, or just simple overthinking into your mind.
I would say most of the time, the things in your mind aren't even bad. They're just distractions. And, for girls especially I think, overthinking can plant hopes, or just get you re-angry over something that's already past, or make you go over that test question over and over... All things that aren't bad. Just not worth spending all your thoughts over.
I'm taking a class called Positive Psychology. It's about changing your attitude and the way you see things. And in a lot of ways, it's about how thinking positive is thinking a thought and realizing "now, that wasn't positive. Let's make it positive. Now I feel more happy."
I think that's kind of what the Bible says when it says to take your thoughts captive. He wants us to recognize our thoughts so that when we see a model and think "i wish i looked more like her" we can recognize that that was not from God, and that we are made in His image. Or when we fret over a test we know God calls us not to worry, but to give all our troubles over to Him. Or when we're mad at someone to remember it's okay to be mad, but not to sin in our anger. It's for our own benefit, so we don't waste our lives thinking about stuff that we won't even remember having thought about tomorrow.
In the end, it makes for a happier day. I'm not saying we have to think about Jesus all day long, but since thoughts lead to actions, you might as well make them actions you will be proud of, and not regret.

friendsss

I guess it's a good thing when you're too busy to blog.
As I've mentioned before, this year is different than last.
I've met a lot more people. And I hang out with them alll the time. Instead of just having a small group of friends that I'm with all the time, it's a wide variety of people all the time. Who knows, maybe this year I'll meet all 3000 students.
For example, last night I went to IHOP with a group while I only knew 2 people, and now I'm good friends with the rest of them. It's really fun to do this kinda stuff.
I also tried out for SearchCru yesterday. I think it went well. We joked, talking about LOST, and I got proposed to during it.

What I'm really starting to get excited about, though, is the mission trip next summer. I need to start raising money for it, because as of right now I have none. I'm supposed to get more information about it in the next couple weeks and I CAN'T WAIT. I'm really hoping I get to go to the Ethiopia trip. But I know that where ever God puts me is where I'm supposed to go, which is a fantastic feeling.

Anyway, today's Friday, so I have no class. I get to chill with friends and go to the lake, and I can't wait.

just... stuff.

Well, I had a fantastic weekend with one of my best friends, Hannah. We had so much fun, I showed her around my school and she loved it, we went to the movies, went shopping, had so much fun all around.

But she had to leave, and I found out I had mounds of nursing homework that I didn't know about till the day before.

Class came really early, and I have nursing alll day long. It was hard, and intimidating, and awesome. I love having classes that are actually on something I care about.

We are already learning how to give people physicals. It'll be awesome.

Today's classes were more simple, just psychology, pretty boring. I think positive psych will be good though, cause it's doing lots of little stuff, thinking positively, doing assignments that people should be doing anyway. It'll be good to do it.

RAing is going good, all in all life is good. On another note, I got accepted into the iGo trip extreme. I'm super psyched! Now just to start saving the money...

Crazy week of RAing

Ohh, training.

We had RA training every day, seemingly every minute, from Friday to Tuesday. Some days we were going from starting at 7 AM to 1 AM.

But, it was really fun. I got to build really close relationships with the Remschel RAs, but I also became good friends with a lot of the other RAs too.

Some times we just sat through training, sometimes we had to actually do stuff ourselves, like put out fires, or train to get people out of buildings, or go through role play... sometimes we got rewarded by getting to go to Main Event in Austin and playing for free for 6 hours.

However when it all ended, I was bummed. It was really fun to get to chill with these people and learn what to do for our jobs.

Today, however, was move in day for the freshmen. The doors were supposed to open at 7:30 AM, however, the line was so long at 7:10 we started early. It was non-stop till about 1:30. We've sat on duty all day checking people in, and it's 8 and I could fall asleep right now.

I really do love my job though. This is the kind of thing I love to do.

My roomie moved in today. Our room looks really amazing.


This is the view when you walk in, with my bed and desk.


Here's my bed.


Here's Kalli's bed.


Here's Kalli's side.


And here's our bathroom!

I know, be jealous :)