Thanksgiving break was just what I needed. You reach a point in school where you can fully recognize that you need to be studying, or writing papers, or doing homework. And you just can't do it anymore. It is not physically possible. That's what happened to me. So thanksgiving break came at just the right time. Thanksgiving itself was great, with family over. But it was all preparing for... BLACK FRIDAY. We had the plan. We had the list. The priority was a 32 inch HDTV for $198 from Walmart for my apartment next year.(I had videos, but they aren't loading on here for some reason) For all you black friday shoppers, you know walmart screwed us all over this year. They started toys, movies, music, appliances, etc at midnight, and saved electronics for 5. So we planned to hit up walmart at midnight, then get some sleep till hitting up target, kohls, sears, etc at 4 and then walmart electronics at 5 for the tv. .... Our plan did not work out. My typical black friday shopping has taught me being aggressive doesn't always work. However, being nice normally does. So I turn all doe-eyed and innocent and say "excuse me" "please" and "it's okay, i know you didn't mean to grab me and push me to the side just for a discounted bob the builder". So when i was at the movies I somehow ended up with an entire stack full while others who had ran and pushed and screamed had 2. I watched as the police attacked a man who had punched some woman in the face. Then I met with my mom and went to the check out. We're in a good mood, finished by about 12:15 with everything we needed. Going to sleep. When we heard a salesperson say "there's already a line for those 32" tvs". We froze. Walked back to the car slowly. We both knew what we had to do. And so we waited. From 12:15 till 5 in line. In the freezer section. We became friends with in line next to us. Invented new ways to sit in carts. Got McDonalds from in the store (free refills since we never left the store). Picked up books from the book section and I finished the entire new Richard Paul Evans book I'd been wanting to read. My mom left to go to the other stores at 4. And at 5... I got my tv. ... Then waited in line till about 6:30 to check out. Then ran out into the dark where it was now raining hard and about 40 degrees. We drove home, and I went to bed about 7. When my brother saw these pictures he said I looked like a rockstar. or Lindsay lohan.
So like I had mentioned earlier, this was the hardest week of my semester. It went like this... monday- huge nursing test. ended up getting a 76. super pysched. tuesday- start spending every minute (not exaggerating) studying for the massive test friday. have a test in positive psych. have duty... one of my friend's offers to take the late part of my shift so i can sleep to prepare for clinicals. so thankful! Got no sleep... kept waking up thinking I was missing my test. wednesday- up by 5:30. dressed in scrubs, run through shipleys, at Scott and White by 6:15. Meet my J1 (a student one semester ahead of me that already has patients) that I'm goin to follow for the day. And here's where things got even more complicated.
We never got to sit through the whole shift, ran from 6:45 to 12. Didn't get to do any of the paperwork I was supposed to do. Went back to school... started studying. Met with my partner for the test on Friday. Then met with my buddy to study more. Studied all night, no sleep again. Thursday- up at 5:30. Back to my patient. Started paperwork on the rare moments we could sit. Left at about 12:10. Went through Taco Bell drive-through and had to go straight to class. After class, went straight back to study for the rest of the night, except when I had an RA meeting. Dying from sleep exhaustion. Friday- met with Ashleigh first thing in the morning to keep studying. Test pushed back a half hour. At 11, had the biggest test, where you and your new partner have to do a complete physical in 30 minutes, testing about 60 things in order, in front of the nursing professors, with no notes and nothing to write on. Then you go to another room and have to write down every result so they can compare it with theirs. I was shaking through it, but just did my best. When I finished I heard something that almost made me pass out. My teacher put down her pencil, took a deep breath and said... "I'm shocked. You did the best I've seen so far. I'm not supposed to tell you this but... you got a 99. You're going to be great. Keep it up." Finally, hard work paying off. Now all I had was weekend duty... still with no sleep. But I got to see my family and spend the weekend with one of my friends from Japan. Thanks God. I needed that sooo much.
Today was one of those days. You know the kind. And I think it's leading up to one of those weeks. The kind that just... suck.
I spent the weekend studying. Pretty much... the whole weekend. And I had spent the week before doing the same. Because I knew that this week was going to be miserable. But I also knew I had to do good on this test.
I didn't.
I failed... And I don't fail.
So I called my mom when I walked out of the classroom. She said "hey baby! How'd you do?" All cheery even at 8:30 in the morning. And I started bawling like a baby walking to my dorm. And then my dad called. He told me how it's okay. How great I do in school. How this doesn't even matter. How I'm so much smarter than him. (bull crap). How I just need to take a moment to relax, and then move on to the next thing. I informed him how it won't matter how much time I spend studying on my next test, I'm still gonna fail at it, and started crying harder.
I fell asleep, set my alarm for PM instead of AM and ended up sleeping for 4 hours.
Slept through my only open lab for my test on Friday.
Practiced on a girl a couple rooms down.
Started studying.
Got on facebook to find the girl I'll be doing my test on for Friday. Saw that I had been added to a facebook group for the mission trip I'm going on next summer. It had a little "about me" thing they wanted us to do, so I did it real fast. The last question? What's your favorite Bible verse. Without thinking, I typed mine down. It wasn't till I was rereading my post to check for mistakes that the verse actually hit me.
James 1:2-4: " Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."
I was definitely finding no joy in this. I was pissed. I had already emailed the teacher and am meeting with her tomorrow... spent all my time studying already...
I don't feel mature. But maybe that's because I'm not finding joy. I shouldn't let this hit me this hard. It's only school, and I need to remember that though it is important, it is in no way everything. It's just one little part of my life. And if God wants to teach me lessons through this, I should be able to learn from them the same as anywhere else.
And once this week is over, I'll have Thanksgiving. And I'll be able to genuinely thank God for getting me through this week without going pyscho.
So, I don't know if you watch Lord of the Rings. A lot of people think it's too violent, or just flat out gross. However, I definitely don't see it that way. In fact, the more I see that the more I think that movie is flat out beautiful. ... I don't blame you for thinking that's weird. But hear me out.
LOTR was written by J.R.R. Tolkien, who just so happened to be best friends of C.S. Lewis, who wrote the Chronicles of Narnia (which is another one of my favorite movies). These were both made into movies about the same time. The amazing thing that these have in common is they both have some very obvious Christian symbolism. Narnia is written more for the younger kids, and LOTR is more towards teenagers and adults.
I was watching the final movie of the trilogy at one of the boys dorms last night, and it was amazing how I felt God opening my eyes to so many things in that movie that I had never really seen before.
If you haven't seen the movie I really recommend them, even if it's not your normal kinda thing. The reason is, they make you think. They make you see things in a different way. They make you feel. They make you wonder what you would do if you were in that situation. There's violence, but really, it's a story about the fight between good and evil. And what's amazing is, you realize that this is really... kinda... how life is.
Now I'm sure if you've seen a commercial for it and seen the big ugly Orks or random dragons flying around... you don't think that's how life is. But I think parts of this movie are about spiritual warfare. I think the beginning, how everything is perfect and right in the world and nothing too exciting ever really happens... that's how we typically see life. Sure, there's life and there's death but our lives are honestly not that ridiculous or unfair. But then, to do what's right to really make a difference that will affect the whole world, they have to leave their home and comfort and face things they never thought was possible or real. That is what brings us into the spiritual warfare part. There are things going on, a full out war raging all around us that we walk in complete oblivion to. This should be a real eye opener for us.
You see many different characters, and you can kind of figure out who that person is in your life. The person you look up to, the born leader, the person who makes you laugh, the people who can't seem to grow up, all with different talents and abilities and weaknesses, all that are trying to do what's right to fulfill the mission that's laid out for them. They help you grow, and change who you are.
You see situations that you feel like you would never really be in, like fighting a dragon. But the more I think about it, the more you realize that could look like anything that is trying to consume you and bring you down. It's all satan. He can be big and ugly, but he can be beaten.
You see situations that you know happen everyday that break your heart, like a son never feeling good enough for his father.
You see situations like a girl realizing that the guy she's in love with, doesn't reciprocate those feelings.
But there was a part that I just thought "whoa. that's me right now." And that was last night when Frodo Sam and Gollum were climbing up the side of this slick mountain. They were running out of food and had no strength. And I thought, you know, that is me right now. I'm just climbing. In school, I'm trying. I know I could easily slip and mess everything up for me. I could give up. I could listen to Gollum (who I'm guessing is a demon or just very messed up person) and get distracted and depressed. Or I can keep going, though it feels never ending and sometimes just makes you want to cry, though you can't see the end. You can just keep climbing until you reach the top. Because reaching the top is a victory... even if it means you're about to face a spider the size of 4 grizzly bears.
Anyway, I was shocked going through the movie yesterday. Narnia has a really obvious christian message, it pretty much follows the Bible straight up in parts. But LOTR isn't like that. And I could never really find the symbolism. But yesterday it was like so many possibilities of what was going through Tolkien's mind entered mine and I fell in love with the movie all over again.
The whole movies are fantastic, but I love how in these movies, the underlying message always seems to be hope. Just wait, because God has a plan. Though this part down below is taken out of context, it shows the hope, and how God works in mysterious ways. It also shows why it won best picture, cause it's gorgeous.
Anyway, I recommend watch them if you haven't, even if at first it seems weird. God really can open your eyes to things about that movie that really change the way you think, and can be a motivation for you. And watch Narnia too, they aren't alike, and I have yet to meet someone who didn't love it.
