Christmastime is here...

So this semester is pretty much over for me.
I have two finals tomorrow, but that's all. I just have to stay till Friday because I'm an RA.
I found out this morning I made an A in yoga and a B in Health Assessment, and it looks like another B in Foundations of nursing.
That's kind of freakin awesome.
Especially since I'm expecting 2 more A's in my psychology classes.

Now, really, I'm just ready to enjoy this Christmas time. Pageant is going on at my church and I just miss not being there so much. I loved pageant. It was always one of the highlights of my year. And now I'll only be there for a couple days of it.

I think everyone here is really trying to figure out how to celebrate Christmas away from home and everything we're used to. UMHB is all lit up, and just gorgeous. The school threw us a Christmas party on Thursday, complete with Santa, cookies, carolers, and games. Then Friday night my friend Aubrey had a Christmas party I went to, filled with sweets. Saturday night some carolers came by the dorms at 1 AM, complete with a guitar and a tambourine. And Sunday Jenna had a party where we all had to wear tacky Christmas sweaters and watch Elf. Tuesday we had a gingerbread making contest in our dorm. It's fun and cold and pretty outside, Texas has always been great at decorating. But I just can't wait to get back to my house. I feel like it won't be Christmas until then. And I know that starting tomorrow everyone will start heading back home, and I'll be stuck here till Friday. At least our school gets out before every other school in the state.

I know I'm never going to want this break to end, so maybe it's a good thing it hasn't started yet. Giving myself as much time as possible. Next semester is going to be hard. I'm refusing to let it completely take over my life. I want to still be able to do my job, and pass the classes, and sleep, and hang out with friends. I just have to find a way to make all those things balance. Being as a quarter of the J1 class failed this semester... it might be harder than I thought.
It's a good thing we're "more than conquerors" in everything we do right?

Yep. Shoulda done that.

Today I had my simulation.
It's the Health Assessment final.
I had no time to study since my last huge test was Monday, I had class and duty yesterday, and I'm sick.
Even if I failed, it shouldn't have affected my grade too much.
However, I am a little nervous....

I probably should have studied.

That's all I'm gonna say about that.

the blackest of black fridays.

Thanksgiving break was just what I needed. You reach a point in school where you can fully recognize that you need to be studying, or writing papers, or doing homework. And you just can't do it anymore. It is not physically possible. That's what happened to me. So thanksgiving break came at just the right time.
Thanksgiving itself was great, with family over. But it was all preparing for...
BLACK FRIDAY.
We had the plan. We had the list. The priority was a 32 inch HDTV for $198 from Walmart for my apartment next year.(I had videos, but they aren't loading on here for some reason)
For all you black friday shoppers, you know walmart screwed us all over this year. They started toys, movies, music, appliances, etc at midnight, and saved electronics for 5.
So we planned to hit up walmart at midnight, then get some sleep till hitting up target, kohls, sears, etc at 4 and then walmart electronics at 5 for the tv.
.... Our plan did not work out.
My typical black friday shopping has taught me being aggressive doesn't always work. However, being nice normally does. So I turn all doe-eyed and innocent and say "excuse me" "please" and "it's okay, i know you didn't mean to grab me and push me to the side just for a discounted bob the builder". So when i was at the movies I somehow ended up with an entire stack full while others who had ran and pushed and screamed had 2. I watched as the police attacked a man who had punched some woman in the face. Then I met with my mom and went to the check out. We're in a good mood, finished by about 12:15 with everything we needed. Going to sleep. When we heard a salesperson say "there's already a line for those 32" tvs". We froze. Walked back to the car slowly.
We both knew what we had to do.
And so we waited. From 12:15 till 5 in line. In the freezer section.
We became friends with in line next to us. Invented new ways to sit in carts. Got McDonalds from in the store (free refills since we never left the store). Picked up books from the book section and I finished the entire new Richard Paul Evans book I'd been wanting to read. My mom left to go to the other stores at 4. And at 5... I got my tv.
... Then waited in line till about 6:30 to check out.
Then ran out into the dark where it was now raining hard and about 40 degrees. We drove home, and I went to bed about 7.


When my brother saw these pictures he said I looked like a rockstar. or Lindsay lohan.

That week.

So like I had mentioned earlier, this was the hardest week of my semester. It went like this...
monday- huge nursing test. ended up getting a 76. super pysched.
tuesday- start spending every minute (not exaggerating) studying for the massive test friday. have a test in positive psych. have duty... one of my friend's offers to take the late part of my shift so i can sleep to prepare for clinicals. so thankful! Got no sleep... kept waking up thinking I was missing my test.
wednesday- up by 5:30. dressed in scrubs, run through shipleys, at Scott and White by 6:15. Meet my J1 (a student one semester ahead of me that already has patients) that I'm goin to follow for the day. And here's where things got even more complicated.

We never got to sit through the whole shift, ran from 6:45 to 12. Didn't get to do any of the paperwork I was supposed to do.
Went back to school... started studying. Met with my partner for the test on Friday. Then met with my buddy to study more. Studied all night, no sleep again.
Thursday- up at 5:30. Back to my patient. Started paperwork on the rare moments we could sit.
Left at about 12:10. Went through Taco Bell drive-through and had to go straight to class. After class, went straight back to study for the rest of the night, except when I had an RA meeting. Dying from sleep exhaustion.
Friday- met with Ashleigh first thing in the morning to keep studying. Test pushed back a half hour. At 11, had the biggest test, where you and your new partner have to do a complete physical in 30 minutes, testing about 60 things in order, in front of the nursing professors, with no notes and nothing to write on. Then you go to another room and have to write down every result so they can compare it with theirs. I was shaking through it, but just did my best. When I finished I heard something that almost made me pass out. My teacher put down her pencil, took a deep breath and said...
"I'm shocked. You did the best I've seen so far. I'm not supposed to tell you this but... you got a 99. You're going to be great. Keep it up."
Finally, hard work paying off. Now all I had was weekend duty... still with no sleep. But I got to see my family and spend the weekend with one of my friends from Japan.
Thanks God. I needed that sooo much.

One of those days.

Today was one of those days.
You know the kind.
And I think it's leading up to one of those weeks.
The kind that just...
suck.

I spent the weekend studying. Pretty much... the whole weekend. And I had spent the week before doing the same. Because I knew that this week was going to be miserable. But I also knew I had to do good on this test.

I didn't.

I failed... And I don't fail.

So I called my mom when I walked out of the classroom. She said "hey baby! How'd you do?" All cheery even at 8:30 in the morning. And I started bawling like a baby walking to my dorm.
And then my dad called. He told me how it's okay. How great I do in school. How this doesn't even matter. How I'm so much smarter than him. (bull crap). How I just need to take a moment to relax, and then move on to the next thing.
I informed him how it won't matter how much time I spend studying on my next test, I'm still gonna fail at it, and started crying harder.

I fell asleep, set my alarm for PM instead of AM and ended up sleeping for 4 hours.

Slept through my only open lab for my test on Friday.

Practiced on a girl a couple rooms down.

Started studying.

Got on facebook to find the girl I'll be doing my test on for Friday. Saw that I had been added to a facebook group for the mission trip I'm going on next summer. It had a little "about me" thing they wanted us to do, so I did it real fast. The last question? What's your favorite Bible verse. Without thinking, I typed mine down. It wasn't till I was rereading my post to check for mistakes that the verse actually hit me.

James 1:2-4: " Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything."

I was definitely finding no joy in this. I was pissed. I had already emailed the teacher and am meeting with her tomorrow... spent all my time studying already...

I don't feel mature. But maybe that's because I'm not finding joy. I shouldn't let this hit me this hard. It's only school, and I need to remember that though it is important, it is in no way everything. It's just one little part of my life. And if God wants to teach me lessons through this, I should be able to learn from them the same as anywhere else.

And once this week is over, I'll have Thanksgiving. And I'll be able to genuinely thank God for getting me through this week without going pyscho.

Weird post, but go with it.

So, I don't know if you watch Lord of the Rings.
A lot of people think it's too violent, or just flat out gross.
However, I definitely don't see it that way. In fact, the more I see that the more I think that movie is flat out beautiful.
... I don't blame you for thinking that's weird. But hear me out.

LOTR was written by J.R.R. Tolkien, who just so happened to be best friends of C.S. Lewis, who wrote the Chronicles of Narnia (which is another one of my favorite movies). These were both made into movies about the same time. The amazing thing that these have in common is they both have some very obvious Christian symbolism. Narnia is written more for the younger kids, and LOTR is more towards teenagers and adults.

I was watching the final movie of the trilogy at one of the boys dorms last night, and it was amazing how I felt God opening my eyes to so many things in that movie that I had never really seen before.

If you haven't seen the movie I really recommend them, even if it's not your normal kinda thing. The reason is, they make you think. They make you see things in a different way. They make you feel. They make you wonder what you would do if you were in that situation. There's violence, but really, it's a story about the fight between good and evil. And what's amazing is, you realize that this is really... kinda... how life is.

Now I'm sure if you've seen a commercial for it and seen the big ugly Orks or random dragons flying around... you don't think that's how life is. But I think parts of this movie are about spiritual warfare. I think the beginning, how everything is perfect and right in the world and nothing too exciting ever really happens... that's how we typically see life. Sure, there's life and there's death but our lives are honestly not that ridiculous or unfair. But then, to do what's right to really make a difference that will affect the whole world, they have to leave their home and comfort and face things they never thought was possible or real. That is what brings us into the spiritual warfare part. There are things going on, a full out war raging all around us that we walk in complete oblivion to. This should be a real eye opener for us.

You see many different characters, and you can kind of figure out who that person is in your life. The person you look up to, the born leader, the person who makes you laugh, the people who can't seem to grow up, all with different talents and abilities and weaknesses, all that are trying to do what's right to fulfill the mission that's laid out for them. They help you grow, and change who you are.

You see situations that you feel like you would never really be in, like fighting a dragon. But the more I think about it, the more you realize that could look like anything that is trying to consume you and bring you down. It's all satan. He can be big and ugly, but he can be beaten.

You see situations that you know happen everyday that break your heart, like a son never feeling good enough for his father.

You see situations like a girl realizing that the guy she's in love with, doesn't reciprocate those feelings.

But there was a part that I just thought "whoa. that's me right now." And that was last night when Frodo Sam and Gollum were climbing up the side of this slick mountain. They were running out of food and had no strength. And I thought, you know, that is me right now. I'm just climbing. In school, I'm trying. I know I could easily slip and mess everything up for me. I could give up. I could listen to Gollum (who I'm guessing is a demon or just very messed up person) and get distracted and depressed. Or I can keep going, though it feels never ending and sometimes just makes you want to cry, though you can't see the end. You can just keep climbing until you reach the top. Because reaching the top is a victory... even if it means you're about to face a spider the size of 4 grizzly bears.

Anyway, I was shocked going through the movie yesterday. Narnia has a really obvious christian message, it pretty much follows the Bible straight up in parts. But LOTR isn't like that. And I could never really find the symbolism. But yesterday it was like so many possibilities of what was going through Tolkien's mind entered mine and I fell in love with the movie all over again.

The whole movies are fantastic, but I love how in these movies, the underlying message always seems to be hope. Just wait, because God has a plan. Though this part down below is taken out of context, it shows the hope, and how God works in mysterious ways. It also shows why it won best picture, cause it's gorgeous.

Anyway, I recommend watch them if you haven't, even if at first it seems weird. God really can open your eyes to things about that movie that really change the way you think, and can be a motivation for you. And watch Narnia too, they aren't alike, and I have yet to meet someone who didn't love it.

Hope for the sex trafficked.

So at Focus yesterday we learned about sex trafficking.
It's gotten really bad and just keeps getting worse.
I always thought "man. All these gross guys going to strip clubs and really getting a whole lot more than that. Messing up some poor girl's life just to fulfill their own perverted fantasy."
But we watched a video about this girl who said that her abuser would take them to truck stops all night long, and they'd go from truck to truck forced to ask if they wanted to have sex with them. And guy after guy would say yes. This had been going on for a while (days at least) before a guy finally called the cops and told them that these girls looked a little young for this. It shut down the whole ring and got those poor stolen girls out of there.
Apparently another common place is to take them to different construction sites.
It's just random places like that that are just full of men.
But here's my question.
There are christian truck drivers.
There are christian construction workers.
There are pretty much christians in every field all over the U.S. now.
So... how does that still happen?
Why isn't there a christian at the construction site that speaks up? Calls the cops? Works to get that girl out of there?
Why doesn't that trucker pull her inside and act like all the other guys, but maybe he calls the cops and lets her call her parents?
These perverted pimp guys should be scared everywhere they go with fear of a christian speaking up and saving those girls from their disgusting clutches.
This should be something rare. It shouldn't be the largest growing act of crime because every time we even suspect something, we should be acting.
Helping people should be a priority. Not looking down on someone without knowing their story. Or trying to take advantage of them.
Just because they ask for it, doesn't mean they still aren't being forced.

God, please help these poor girls that are being forced into this degrading, painful, embarrassing act. Please give them hope, and get them out of these situations. Father please also help men to step up and act on what's right. Let men realize that this is wrong , and they should be using the power they have to help these girls, not push them further into despair. And God, please keep our eyes open so that if we see something we don't dismiss it, but act. Give us Your eyes. Amen.

Hardened hearts

I've been having an interesting time in my walk with Christ.
At chapel they've been asking "you know that secret sin that you deal with that no one knows about?" And I've been thinking... "no, actually."
I'm not saying I don't sin.
I'm just saying I really don't have anything that I have at this time like that.
So at first I thought, hmm. Maybe I just need to ask God to reveal it to me.
So I did. Weeks have passed. Nothing. Like I had thought.
So I was thinking, in that case, what exactly is going on? I mean, I don't have a secret sin holding me back. I'm a "good person". I don't drink. I don't do drugs. I'm a virgin. I obey the law. I'm nice to people. I even love people.
Heck, I don't even watch rated R movies.
And I truly love God. What is going on here?
Why do I suddenly feel like I'm not going anywhere?
So tonight, we had a speaker at Focus. And he was talking about how sometimes, people do everything right. And even love God. But, they're more like pharisees. Maybe not in all aspects, but in that their hearts are hardened, and they just keep getting harder.
And he said "either your heart is getting harder, or it's getting more compassionate. Which is yours doing?"
And I realized...
And it hurt...
that that is why I have been at a stand still.
We have missions opportunities, and I either don't do them, or do them half heartedly.
Half the time, I don't even think about the poor.
I don't have a burden on my heart to help them...
And it's because I haven't wanted it to be there.

God broke my heart tonight. I have nothing holding me here. I have nothing to pull my focus away from His will. And tonight I realized that if I want to graduate and spend a month out of every year in a third world country helping people for free... my heart should already be there now. I've known this is my calling for a long time, and I have the desire to help them... then. But what makes me think that my desire is going to blossom just because I've graduated?
I should have the desire now.
And God gave me that burning desire the very instant that I asked him to tonight.

So I'm excited. Next week, I'll be starting to work at Helping Hands. It's where you make boxes of food for the poor, and you get to give it to them. I want to start now. I want my life to affect someone elses, and not just my friends. I want to make a difference for my God.
I know He's always proud of me, but I want to give Him actual reason to be.

storms, thoughts, friends.

It's raining outside right now. Storming.
There's nothing more amazing than Texas storms.
It's lightning and thundering and you can hear the wind pushing against the building.
It's really crazy how something that should be so scary and can cause such damage is so beautiful and awe-inspiring.
It's night, and it's raining, and I'm just curled up inside with chocolate milk trying to make sure I don't get sick and studying for nursing and watching FRIENDS. It's nice to have some time to myself to get everything I need to get done finished.
It seems like every day I'm out with friends or out running around and I love it sooo much. I never just chill by myself anymore, unless I'm studying.
I just got an email saying my midterm grades are up. I thought "there must be some kind of mistake. It can't be midterms already. It's only been a few weeks." I don't want this semester to end. I'm not ready for next semester, being busy all the time. I feel like this is what college has been supposed to be like, and now it's almost gone.
I just have to remind myself J1 is the hardest semester. I get through next semester, and I get a whole summer with no school and then just a year and a half till I'm done.
I'm just going to enjoy this amazing semester God has given me to the fullest. I've been spending it with these people a lot.

I went to college station to see my bestie Hannah for her 20th birthday. It was soo much fun.

I hit up every home football game. This was homecoming with Jenna and Aubrey. We won by over 30 points, of course.

This is Aubrey and I going to Wild West. We hang out...every day. It's soo much fun. She's been keeping me sane this semester, and I think we're gonna get an apartment together next semester. God has blessed me with some amazing, Christian friends. I'm so thankful!!

He loves me.

God wants what's best for me. He loves me.
I dream of having someone who loves me forever, unconditionally. Why is it that I forget that I do have someone?
In fact, the very someone who invented love?
And He loves ME. A lot. Why does that sometimes not feel like enough? And seriously, how can I forget that?
How does that fade into the back of my mind?
He smiles when He sees me.
He doesn't want to change me, even the things I want to change.
He thinks I'm gorgeous.
I want to live for Him. I really and truly do. I just don't understand how my mind gets distracted.
Especially when I don't want it to.
Jesus is enough for me. I know this. And I believe this. So how do I let satan get in my head and think other thoughts, and then try to justify them? And why am I blind to it until I look back and think wait, what was I thinking? I wanted Jesus, and no one else.
How many times have I done this?
How many times will I continue to do this?
I hate letting people down.
I hate letting my Father down.
Especially when I think about how He loves me more than any human will. I should care more about disappointing Him every second than any human. But that isn't what ends up happening.

I chose my major because this is what God wanted. There is absolutely no way to see that as untrue. When I think back as to how I ended up getting here, I know it's all God. Because trust me, I had no desire to be a nurse until God changed my desires to His. I know this, because I was way too adamant about not being one.
And I'm stubborn, so He really changed my heart.
He's changed me in so many ways since school started. I feel like I'm a different person.
I'm learning to control myself.
I'm making friends out of no where.
I know it's because of God.
He's changing my heart to how I meet people, judge people, want to take care of people I don't even know.
I like this person he's shaping me into. I just wish I could stay focused on Him all the time, and not have moments where I don't know what just happened.

Lord, you're changing me. You know this. I love it. I just wish that I could stay focused on You forever. Please help keep my eyes focused on You throughout the distractions. I'm sorry that I let you down, but thank you so so much for this love that I don't deserve, because I don't know what I'd do without it.
I don't know what I'd do without You.
I love you.

doubts

Today for me was like a dream day for any college student. I had:
gone to Wild West, which is a country dancing hall in Waco that all the UMHB students go to every Thursday the night before
Danced the night away till 2
Spent the night at a close friend's apartment
Not had class
Woke up after 12
Went to the quad with a blanket, my laptop, math study cards and a couple of friends and chilled for a couple hours
Played with a friend's puppy
Had amazing fresh frozen yogurt at the store down the street
Enjoyed the 75 degree weather with the Texas blue sky
Right when I thought I had nothing to do, got a call from a great friend who invited me out to eat with him
Then went to a coffee house and hung out
Then went to another friend's house and watched a movie

All in all, a pretty rocking day. And yet in the midst of this day, satan was really messing with me. I was feeling so conflicted even while I was smiling. Cause somewhere in the back of my head, satan was planting these doubts in my head I had either never had, or not had in a very long time.

New doubts like: this math is going to be really hard on you. You have to do it for the rest of your life. Other people think it's easy but for you it's hard. You're too lazy for this career.

Nursing is really hard, the most difficult time-consuming major at this school. You won't be able to really enjoy the rest of your college career after this semester, but everyone else will be. Without you. Maybe you should just change your major. I mean seriously, did you even want to do this with your life?

This mission trip is already a lot of work. Did you even want to go in the first place? You're going out of your way to get all this stuff done and you already have too much to do. You shouldn't even be enjoying this, you should be shut in your room studying.

This guy doesn't like you, and he really hasn't this whole time. There's a whole slew of girls after him, and you never knew it. He just wanted to let you down easy, but didn't really know how. Now there goes the first crush you've had in 3 years, and he doesn't like you. I wonder if you'll be getting married before you die, or if you're just gonna have to settle after all the good ones are taken. Ones you could have had, if you weren't too busy focused on this one bad one.

I was thinking about the last one tonight, when all of the sudden those other ones came to mind. And I realized, you know what. I have some thinking to do. Maybe some big decisions to make. But all in all, God is the one in charge of my life. And I need to remember to let him take control every day, through my attitude and my thoughts, and remembering to live without regrets. We'll see what happens. But I love my Jesus. He can get me through anything.

random thoughts- about thoughts.

I've been really really busy lately. This year could not be more different from last year in every way. But when you're busy, things change. Even if you go to a school that's all about God, you can still become distracted.
That was me at the beginning of this semester. I just hadn't figured out quite yet how to sort everything out between only 24 hours a day. Though this might be taking it to an extreme, I think I kept unconsciously thinking God, give me another hour and then we'll talk.
But then things finally started sorting out and now it's better. I got my priorities back in order. Going to UMHB is amazing, and I'll explain how I've been thinking about this school in another post, but they give you God in every little thing. It's so easy to praise Him in everything you do here. But what I've really been thinking about is how we're supposed to hold our thoughts captive... and exactly how hard that really is. Because my thoughts half the time are so random, if I think back I can't even figure out how I got there.
Now keeping your thoughts captive is really important. Satan plants thoughts, doubts, insecurities, or just simple overthinking into your mind.
I would say most of the time, the things in your mind aren't even bad. They're just distractions. And, for girls especially I think, overthinking can plant hopes, or just get you re-angry over something that's already past, or make you go over that test question over and over... All things that aren't bad. Just not worth spending all your thoughts over.
I'm taking a class called Positive Psychology. It's about changing your attitude and the way you see things. And in a lot of ways, it's about how thinking positive is thinking a thought and realizing "now, that wasn't positive. Let's make it positive. Now I feel more happy."
I think that's kind of what the Bible says when it says to take your thoughts captive. He wants us to recognize our thoughts so that when we see a model and think "i wish i looked more like her" we can recognize that that was not from God, and that we are made in His image. Or when we fret over a test we know God calls us not to worry, but to give all our troubles over to Him. Or when we're mad at someone to remember it's okay to be mad, but not to sin in our anger. It's for our own benefit, so we don't waste our lives thinking about stuff that we won't even remember having thought about tomorrow.
In the end, it makes for a happier day. I'm not saying we have to think about Jesus all day long, but since thoughts lead to actions, you might as well make them actions you will be proud of, and not regret.

friendsss

I guess it's a good thing when you're too busy to blog.
As I've mentioned before, this year is different than last.
I've met a lot more people. And I hang out with them alll the time. Instead of just having a small group of friends that I'm with all the time, it's a wide variety of people all the time. Who knows, maybe this year I'll meet all 3000 students.
For example, last night I went to IHOP with a group while I only knew 2 people, and now I'm good friends with the rest of them. It's really fun to do this kinda stuff.
I also tried out for SearchCru yesterday. I think it went well. We joked, talking about LOST, and I got proposed to during it.

What I'm really starting to get excited about, though, is the mission trip next summer. I need to start raising money for it, because as of right now I have none. I'm supposed to get more information about it in the next couple weeks and I CAN'T WAIT. I'm really hoping I get to go to the Ethiopia trip. But I know that where ever God puts me is where I'm supposed to go, which is a fantastic feeling.

Anyway, today's Friday, so I have no class. I get to chill with friends and go to the lake, and I can't wait.

just... stuff.

Well, I had a fantastic weekend with one of my best friends, Hannah. We had so much fun, I showed her around my school and she loved it, we went to the movies, went shopping, had so much fun all around.

But she had to leave, and I found out I had mounds of nursing homework that I didn't know about till the day before.

Class came really early, and I have nursing alll day long. It was hard, and intimidating, and awesome. I love having classes that are actually on something I care about.

We are already learning how to give people physicals. It'll be awesome.

Today's classes were more simple, just psychology, pretty boring. I think positive psych will be good though, cause it's doing lots of little stuff, thinking positively, doing assignments that people should be doing anyway. It'll be good to do it.

RAing is going good, all in all life is good. On another note, I got accepted into the iGo trip extreme. I'm super psyched! Now just to start saving the money...

Crazy week of RAing

Ohh, training.

We had RA training every day, seemingly every minute, from Friday to Tuesday. Some days we were going from starting at 7 AM to 1 AM.

But, it was really fun. I got to build really close relationships with the Remschel RAs, but I also became good friends with a lot of the other RAs too.

Some times we just sat through training, sometimes we had to actually do stuff ourselves, like put out fires, or train to get people out of buildings, or go through role play... sometimes we got rewarded by getting to go to Main Event in Austin and playing for free for 6 hours.

However when it all ended, I was bummed. It was really fun to get to chill with these people and learn what to do for our jobs.

Today, however, was move in day for the freshmen. The doors were supposed to open at 7:30 AM, however, the line was so long at 7:10 we started early. It was non-stop till about 1:30. We've sat on duty all day checking people in, and it's 8 and I could fall asleep right now.

I really do love my job though. This is the kind of thing I love to do.

My roomie moved in today. Our room looks really amazing.


This is the view when you walk in, with my bed and desk.


Here's my bed.


Here's Kalli's bed.


Here's Kalli's side.


And here's our bathroom!

I know, be jealous :)

Bonding

Today started out good... got bad... but got better.

I don't really want to get into the bad, but let's just say the Remschel girls were treated unfairly.

The good news is, it caused some major bonding for us. We started hanging out pretty much non stop starting yesterday evening, staying up to watch Harry Potter, then waking up first thing in the morning to spend all day together.

I'm really blessed. I really love these girls company. I really feel like God gave me the perfect group to work with. I know I can call any of them at any time to hang out or talk, or just walk down to their doors and hang out like we already do. We're already starting movie nights every night. It's just so much fun. We are all hard workers too, so all our work is getting done super fast!! Just pray that I can make it through training, I think after then I'll be great.

Your love is a song.

There's a song, that every single time I hear it... I truly feel closer to God. This song completely expresses my relationship with Him.
It is one of my all time favorite songs, not just because it's beautiful or cause it's from one of my favorite bands.
When I hear this song, it's like my consciousness fades away and all I can think about is my Jesus.
The song is Your Love is a Song by Switchfoot, and even if you've heard it, I really encourage you just to take a moment and let it sweep you into His arms for a second. He loves us so much. Just take a moment to rest in His beauty.

I hear you breathing in, another day begins. The stars are falling out. My dreams are fading in, fading now.
I've been keeping my eyes wide open.
I've been keeping my eyes wide open.

Oh Your love is a symphony, All around me, running through me.
Oh Your love is a melody, underneath me, running to me.
Oh, Your love is a song.

The dawn is fire bright against the city lights. The clouds are glowing now, the moon is blacking out, blacking out.

So I've been keeping my mind wide open.
I've been keeping my mind wide open.

Oh Your love is a symphony, All around me, running through me.
Oh Your love is a melody, underneath me, running to me.
Oh, Your love is a song.

Oh Your love is a song.
Your love is a song.
Your love is a song.
Your love is strong.

With my eyes wide open,
I've got my eyes wide open,
I've been keeping my hopes unbroken.

Oh Your love is a symphony, All around me, running through me.
Oh Your love is a melody, underneath me, running to me.

Oh, Your love is a song.
Your love is my remedy.
Oh your love is a song.

Lake with my family.

Oh life is going so well :)
I recently had the best day ever, getting to catch up with friends I have missed.
The best day ever went something like this...
Wake up,
Take microbiology final,
Drive to Tokyo Grill to eat with Caleb,
Go to my friend's to pick up Katie,
Spend the whole rest of the day with her, waiting for my family to come into town at 3:30 A.M.,
Played with them and went to bed,
Woke up to have a ton more fun with my family!!

Since then I've been having tons of fun with my family. My little niece and nephew are, without question, the most beautiful kids I've ever seen. I love them.

We went out on our boat the other day, here's some pictures of our day.

Ho Hum.

Well, summer is slowly ending. I've been busy all the time, and yet this has been such a fantastic summer.
But now I'm coming to the very end... less than 2 weeks before I'm moving into my dorm room. I can't believe it's August! This summer went by so quickly.
But I've just got so much to look forward to, all the way to the very end of summer. I have microbiology tests every day this week until my final on Thursday, which is also the day my FAVORITE people come down... my family. I have actually gotten everything I needed down this summer finished and so much more...

well, except getting a tan. That was a major fail.

But now I'm meeting up with my friends this week, getting as many in as I can before Thursday so I can spend time with Leslie.

This summer, God has opened my eyes to so many wonderful things. He has taught me sooo much and taught me how to rejoice in the little victories, the little seemingly insignificant moments. I feel truly joyful. Which, trust me, is not always easy in 5 hours of microbiology.

I know things are going to be different this year than they were last year. Last year at school, I always felt something holding me back, not showing people everything that I was. It really took a really good friend that I was with this summer to get me to open up with friends and really be myself again. This year, I've already got plans with tons of people, from UMHB, from Baylor, from A&M... and I've got a roommate who I absolutely adore, which will just make this so much fun. Only a couple of weeks and it'll all be starting again, but totally different from before.

Jesus is always a good reason to smile.

A couple days ago, I felt kinda down.
My mom and brother were in Dallas for a couple days on a mission trip and my dad was at work, and my normal everyday hangout buddy was gone at camp, so I had hours to myself. Also, a couple weeks ago, I broke up with my longgg time boyfriend. I had honestly felt complete and total peace with it for weeks. In fact, I kept praising God for making something I thought would be so difficult, so easy. But this one day, it was like satan was just playing tricks with my mind.
It was really easy to feel lonely.

But God helped me through it.
Isn't He just wonderful?

Anyway, at first I was letting myself feel lonely. And then it was like God just spoke to me. He said "Why are you doing this to yourself? You know I didn't go anywhere." And I just sat there and realized how true that is, and how easy it is to tell yourself "I'm doing what God wants" and totally believe it but sometimes still feel He's not totally there supporting you.

But since then, it's like, I've got this passion. I feel free, and yet totally surrounded. He's made it SO clear that He loves me.

All that loneliness is gone.

And all I can do is sing. I just find myself, in the car especially, singing out songs to him. All of them. Even if it's just me jamming to my Taylor Swift cd (don't judge, she is my favorite) I just smile, knowing that I'm smiling for Him. And even more, because of Him.

And so, I wanted to remind you, that even on a really terrible, boring, or lonely day, Jesus is always a reason to smile.

summer

Well, we had a near panic in my household today.
I did the CPR class, which had to be a certain one for nursing school. I did it a couple weeks ago. I have been slowly knocking out the list of things I've had to do to turn in to the nursing school. I finished it all, and was putting all my paperwork in the mail when I noticed the CPR card said "heartsaver".
Which is not allowed for nursing school.
I was in a panic, but it was Saturday, so the hospital section that gave the course was closed when I called to ask about the class. On Monday we found out they had given us the wrong card. Close call.

But now all my nursing stuff is turned in and it's a happy day. I've been thinking "I can't wait till microbiology ends, I can't wait till microbiology ends" over and over, but now I'm realizing that when it ends, I'll have less than a week with my family before going back to school and summer being over. And though I'm super super excited about this year of school, and seeing my friends, and rooming with a great friend, and having a fun job, I still don't want summer to end. Not yet.

All in all, even with microbiology, it has been a great summer. One of the best I've ever had.

California

Well. I have not been writing on here at all! I will start slowly catching back up.
I have slowly been knocking out all the things on my to-do list from last time.
Shots- done. Miserable, and I have to finish the hep B shot soon, but hey, at least it's pretty much done.
YEC- done. It was amazing.
Microbiology- started now. It is MISERABLE. HORRIBLE. SLOWLY SUCKING MY LIFE AWAY. I mean, 5 hours, 5 days a week, only to come home to read and study. But it will be over soon.

But on a whole other note, I went to California to be with my sister, brother-in-law, and her two most precious kiddos. It was an amazing 10 days full of:
reading to Ry,
cuddling Caders,
making headbands to sell,
eating chocolate cinammon bears,
playing card games,
swimming in freezing weather,
getting spoiled by Les making me clothes in no time at all,
eating yummyyyy shrimp,
playing at parks,
watching Arrested Development,
and playing bunk-o.
It was beyond amazing.














I love them, and I really really wish they lived closer.

past and future

So I haven't written on here in about a month, my bad!! I'm not going to lie, life has been pretty fantastic. Let's see what's happened since the last time I wrote.
I moved out of my dorm! My family, Jon Michael and I had it all done by in less than an hour and a half.
I got to eat at County Line on the way home, loving the 3 hour car ride with my brother.
My family, Jon Michael, Deborah and I had a chill birthday celebration with a meal full of only appetizers. Cheese fries, potato skins, mozzarella sticks, fried rice, egg rolls, lettuce wraps, etc etc.
I started a minimester of sociology that ends tomorrow. Ten days, about 5 hours of reading a day... and about 650 pages of that massive textbook later, now all I've got is the final tomorrow.
I've been spending as much time as possible with Hannah Bratz.
Been staying up all night watching Friends with Austin.
Watched the finale of LOST, now I'm not sure what to look forward to.
Thinking/praying about Africa next summer.
Spending lazy days at the pool.
Got a flight to California.
Getting back into shape after all that college non- working.
Eating GOOD food.
Had a bbq for the sound board people... had a great time with all these people of all ages. Love my brother John Woods and sister Lindsey.
Loved the way that for some reason, when I talk to adults now, I'm considered an adult. It's weird, but kinda cool.
Saw my friend's new baby. He's beautiful.
Mastered some stuff I've always wanted to do.
Got a fantastic massage.
Killed about a million scorpions.
I love this summer. There's something about it that feels freeing. I've needed this, soooo much. It feels different than any summer I've ever had, in a really good way.

Now what's to come:
CPR class for medical professionals
a buttload of shots
YEC
microbiology
california!!

finished!

Well, I am officially done with finals.
I am officially done with work at the elementary school.
I am officially done sitting on duty and checking people out of their dorms.
I am officially done with my freshman year of college.

It's an exciting feeling. Alllllll this stress that I have had for months is over. I mean, this was a very difficult semester for me. Chemistry is not my forte. And taking two sciences at the same time is difficult. I really did not have even one blow off class.
And on top of that, I was pretty much working two jobs at the hardest point of my semester. One that I wasn't even getting paid for. I have not had 2 seconds to just have for myself in about a month in a half.

But now all that's over.
It's just me and the RA's left at UMHB. Today, I slept in until 11:30.
And tomorrow my family is coming to move me out. And then I'll be HOMEEE!!
Ah, I'm ready. There's no place like home.

God, thank You for letting me have today for myself. I have needed it!

What do I know of holy?

There's this song.
I've gone to bed listening to it the past 2 nights.
It's one of those songs.The kind that I put on my ipod and go into a coma until it's over, just to click the back button and repeat the process all over again.
It's called What do I know of holy, by Addison Road.
And let me tell you, you should immediately look it up and listen to it. http://www.playlist.com
hit this, and type in the name.
And then, take the time to really hear the song.
Because this song speaks straight to my heart.
I mean it, if I could have written a song that tells exactly how I feel, this would be it, line for line.
I put the lyrics down here, feel free to follow along. I hope it makes you think, like it does me.


I made You promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small
I never feared You at all, No
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?


What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees


What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life its name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your name
On earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love?

What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of Holy?

Finals

Well, finals started today. I feel like all I do is sleep, wake up, go to work, study, study, study, take a final, repeat.
Basically it sucks.
But at the same time, I'm really confused that this school year is already over. This semester went by ridiculously fast. And even though I really want to go home, another part of me doesn't want to give up my first year of college. Because I feel like I got robbed and only got a semester. This year really went by that fast.
At least now chemistry is over, and tomorrow developmental psyc will be too, and then A&P 2 and new testament. So weird. I don't even know what to think.
Next semester I'll be in nursing school . Yeah, really weird.

BTW, if you are feeling down and want good music to listen to, Hope now by addison road, or desperate from fireflight or cannons by phil wickham are all fantastic picker-uppers :)

19

So yesterday was my birthday.
I've grown up with birthdays being a big deal. Every single year I have a birthday party, normally that my mom starts planning at least 3 months before. And they're always the coolest, best parties of the year.
I hadn't even thought about what it would be like this year, with me being away at college and everything.
I knew that I was going to do something at my house once I got back from school, and I figured I would just kinda chill on my birthday, study for finals that were 2 days away.
However, on Friday, when I was going with some of my friends to go hang out, I walked into a room full of balloons and found out they had been planning a surprise birthday party for me and my friend Sidni. :)

It was at this lady's house that has tons of arcade games, and we played and ate and just had fun. It was really exciting for me because I've never had a surprise party before.
So then I went to my boyfriend's house Saturday and Sunday to be with his family since it was his dad's 50th and his brother's 21 birthdays the week before. They ended up celebrating there's on Saturday, and mine on Sunday. They made me cake and made me wear a birthday girl ribbon and got me presents. It was unexpected but fun, once again :)
So by the time my birthday actually came around on Tuesday I felt like I had already gotten more birthday than most people. At midnight 4 of my friends called and sang me happy birthday, and another friend texted me. I had 21 texts by the time I woke up at 730. Kelley posted a video on my facebook of her singing happy birthday to me. Almost 100 people put it on my wall. I was tagged in 2 statuses about it being my birthday. I had 5 phone calls of people singing to me. I was slipped 2 cards under my door of my dorm from people in my dorm. My RA's had written it on the door of the lobby. I was given a bouquet of flowers.
Then my mom and brother picked me up after class and took me to the Alamo Drafthouse, a movie theater where they serve you a meal during it. We saw the back-up plan and ate potato skins and cheese sticks. It was awesome.
Then we met up with JM and went to Cracker Barrel, and they gave me a free ice cream sundae.
You would think that "my day" would be over now, but I still get to go home and eat a meal just of my favorite appetizers (my idea, brilliant right?) and open my bday presents. Basically, this birthday just might last till I'm 20.

Honestly though, I've had a hard time lately. The attention was really good for me. Yesterday, when I would start to get upset or depressed or my mind just start wandering, I would think hey, today is my birthday. today is one day that I can call mine. And all that stuff would go away and all I could do is smile. So I kind of hope it does last till I'm 20. And then that one can last till I'm 21... And then that one could last....

Stress

So a lot has been happening in my life lately. And I'm not going to lie, a lot of it has been hard. In fact, just about all of it has been hard. I've been struggling with a lot. With one blow I got my self-esteem and all my confidence taken away, and lost trust in someone I had really trusted. With my insane school load on top of that my stress level has gone through the roof.
I guess I actually went into little depression for a while. It was bad. I probably gave my mom multiple gray hairs. I had 3 tests during this time, which was last week, and now I have finals THIS WEEK, plus I had a test today. Absolutely no time to recoop.
Needless to say, life has been hard. I'm learning forgiveness,and let me tell you, it's hard. I just want it to go away, but I know cop-ing out won't help anything.
I just flipped my Bible open yesterday and read the first thing I came to. And let me tell you, God showed me just what I needed.
Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships, and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience, and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as imposters; known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything.- 2 Corinthians 6: 4-10.
Fantastic, isn't it? So much of that applies to my life and gives me hope. I have to remember God to have any hope, because when I'm not, all my thoughts are depressing.
But it's all going to be okay. This is going to be okay. This is going to teach me something that I will be grateful for later. I just have to look at it that way.

pick 2

I really haven't written in a while, because life is chaos. I have so much going on.
I had seen a bumper sticker on facebook once that said
"1.good grades
2.decent amounts of sleep
3.social life
in college, you can only pick 2."
What's amazing is, that could not be more true. I mean I've got plans with friends every night, who I'm not going to see over the summer so I really want to hang with them while I can.
I require sleep. That's not even a joke, this endometriosis crap makes me need a good amount of sleep or I'm in pain the next morning. Speaking of which I get to schedule my surgery in 2 weeks. Joy!
And the worst part is, school has gone insane! I have a test on Friday, a test on Monday, a test on Tuesday, and then a practical on that next Monday. Now, that could be managable, if finals didn't start that Thursday. I mean, honestly people?? 8 tests in 2 weeks?!
I can't even stay on here any longer, I need to study and then meet Jenna at the lake. And then watch Lost with Rebecca. And then... And then... And then...

Yay yay yay!

Today I found out... I got into nursing school :)
Oh this is such a relief. I'm so happy. A giant weight is off my shoulders.
It's so funny how all this little random stuff is adding up to something great.
For example. Today I found out I'm 2 points away from a B in chemistry. I thought I was failing. I was pretty shocked.
I also found out I only have 2 more labs for the rest of the semester. HALLELUAH!!
All my grades are going well.
I figured out my schedule for next semester... it's going to be AWESOME. My easiest semester.
Besides that, I don't have work Thursday and I'm going home that day to be with my family, to celebrate Easter. I can't wait :)


Thank you Jesus :) You're making my life so enjoyable right now. Thank you for reminding me to praise you all the time, and not forget when things get good. I love you. Please just keep guiding me in what You want me to do, and help me listen and obey.

Roomies :)

I'm so excited about my roommate for next year. She's graduating this May, she has the same major as me, with the same specialty and everything. She's an amazing christian girl who I met on my trip to Japan, and we immediately became inseperable. When I found out she was looking at UMHB I was thrilled, and once it became official I was so stoked. I wanted to room with her, but apparently a sophomore trying to room with a freshman in a dorm is pretty hard to reserve because they want all freshman to be together. Idk. But that's what made me getting the RA job so much sweeter, because right then and there I got to choose my roommate for next year, and she automatically is with me. It's official already, even before anyone else has any idea where they are going. It's a good feeling.
So here's just some pics of me and my future roomie :)

going well

Well, I don't understand it, but things just seem to be working out.
I mean, really good things. I seriously don't have any reason whatsoever to be complaining in my life.
I go to a great school.
I have friends that I actually trust.
I got the job I wanted for next semester.
I get to room with the girl I want next semester.
My boyfriend and I made it through a rough patch but now we're going smoothly.
I got about $14000 knocked off tuition for next year.
I'm not only passing, but making good grades.
My body has not been in as much pain as last semester.
I'm just realizing how thankful I should be right now. God is so good :) Why does that seem harder to remember in the bad?
I've really learned alot this year in college. I have so many questions I wish I could just ask God and get them answered and not have to wonder anymore. It seems like such a fine line christians have to walk. Like how do you show someone you love them even if they're doing something wrong, without approving of what they're doing? Or what do you do when a christian really is not living the way he should?
Or just what am I supposed to do??
In general??
I want to make a difference for God. I want to be one of those people who gave their whole lives. But I get so confused. I know that God wants me to go into nursing. Mostly because, this is something I NEVER wanted to do until I gave up my pride and let me go into this (in my mind) "humble job". Now I'm realizing there's a whole lot more to it than I had realized.
I know I'm supposed to do that in my future, go to foreign countries and help them out there too, but what about in the meantime?
I wish He would just talk straight out like He did in the old testament.
Anyway, I don't know how I started rambling about this. Now you have an insight of what goes on in my mind every day.

Love

I really like kids.
I've dreamed of being a mom for well, as long as I could remember.
And I don't really know if I want to have kids myself, or if I want to adopt. I've already realized that adoption would probably be there no matter what though. Even if I had my own kids. Because God has placed it on my heart for seriously years.
I do not understand why people who cannot have kids don't adopt. As a matter of fact, I've kinda got this thought. Now this is just a thought so take it how you like, but what if woman who really want kids but can't get pregnant can't get pregnant because God wants them to adopt?
To me it just makes sense.
Anyway, being as I'm no where close to getting married and therefore reallyyy no where close to having kids, I had really felt like I needed to "adopt" a kid from another country.
My family had done this before, we had a little girl named Ingrid. We don't sponsor her anymore though because we got a letter saying that she no longer needed to be sponsored.
But I really felt that I needed to do this. That I needed to make the money sacrifice (cause for me, a broke college student, $38 a month truly is a sacrifice).
At revival today, they had some kids that you could choose to sponsor. And I got one.
I got this beautiful little girl named Eliana. She's four years old.
And as soon as I got her, this weird thing like, washed over me. And as dumb as this might sound, as soon as I held that piece of paper, I loved her. Like, genuinely loved her.
I feel as though she is mine. Giving that money seriously seems like no big deal anymore. As long as she is safe and has food and clothes and medicine, I'm thrilled.
I know that seems dumb that I could feel that way over a little girl I've never even met, but it's true.
It made me think of how much I'm going to love my own kids some day.
And that made me think of the fact that as much as I love this little girl, and I love my family and my friends and my future kids, every single thing... God loves me more.
He's the one that gave me that feeling that washed over me and took me by surprise.
He's the one that made me to His own specifications so He could love me completely for who I am.
I love Him so much, but He loves me so much more.

Abnormal Tuesdays

Tuesday is a hard day for me this semester. It goes from class at 8, straight to work for 2 1/2 hours, eat as fast as possible, then go to chemistry from 1 to 520. We have a ton of homework we have to turn in that day every week and normally really hard surprise quizzes to go with it.
From there I head to bible study with my buds. Then normally eat and go watch...
LOST!!
This Tuesday was a little different. The beginning was all the same. But when we got to chemistry, we got out early. By 4 in fact. It was AWESOME.
So as I was walking back from there I saw Jenna, Sidni and Bailey sitting outside in the beautiful weather, and I joined them for the next hour or so. While I was there I got a phone call saying....
I got the RA job. Woo!
It's a good feeling knowing that I won't have to go back to the job I have now next semester. Plus that's another $4000 for scholarships next year.
After bible study we had revival in this huge tent in the quad. It has Dutton, who I love! They were our Sonday's camp band for years. The speaker was Wes Hamilton, who I had seen at YEC and was really good. So that revival was really fun!
Then I went back to my room and watched LOST. It was the best episode everrr. I cried. I'm also starting to see some major christian symbolism in it. I'm really interested to see where it goes.
I know this isn't a really exciting post, but it was exciting for me :)

Thank you Jesus

Today was the very opposite of what I had expected. I got one hour of sleep the night before, just laid in bed for 7 and a half hours before then. I had written that research paper the two hours before then.
So when I went to A&P2 at 8 in the morning, and my teacher said that the grades were terrible and blamed it on the fact that we must not have studied enough, not the fact she gave us that 9 page study guide of just questions less than a week before the test, I was thinking today was really gonna suck.
I had 3 tests in 2 days... and big whopper tests too, not little dinky things. I studied my butt off, but with juggling all three, they each got a third of the attention they deserved. So i thought I had failed all of them.
So when I got my grade back and had made a 73, I was thrilled.
And when my teacher told us that just this once, we could make corrections for half credit, I was beyond thrilled. That brought me up to an 87.5.
So then I went to developmental pysch, where our teacher got mad at us for emailing her over spring break. (my response being maybe you shouldn't assign a paper the day after spring break). But I got my grade back, and almost cried when I saw a 60.
Until my teacher told us to multiply that by 1.34.
which brought me to an 80.4
and then to give ourselves 6 extra credit points for being here (since half the class was gone)
so now an 86.4.
and then that didn't count the bonus questions I had answered, so another 2 and a half points.
89.
i'm thinking, what the crap? today was supposed to suck.
so i go to work, no big deal. just thinking about how I don't wanna be a teacher, so why did I choose this job?
When I get in my car I see I have a voicemail. I check it.
It's the RA from the dorm I had applied for, telling me that they want to intervue me a second time. I'm down to the final 4.
So I went through the rest of my day, which stayed just as nice. I got the interview done and will know by 6 tomorrow. I don't think I got it, but that's okay. It was just nice being called back.
So now I'm catching up on LOST, and then going to bed to hopefully sleep tonight. Then again, maybe not getting sleep agrees with me.

Spring Break

Well I haven't written in a while. I've been in Missouri this whole week! It's really pretty here. Of course, no chance of a tan here. I'll be the only winter white person left at UMHB when I get back. However, it's been fun just chilling with my family, eating out at nice restaurants, watching the wedding channel with my mom, then cops and forensic science with my dad and brother, going to branson and looking at the sights. Today however, I'm finally starting my research paper that's due Monday... yes, that's in 3 days. Yay procrastination! I'm so thankful for this week though, I needed a break so badly. Now I can finish off this semester strong. Woo!

Finally...

All my tests are over. Thursday went horrible, and I'm not even gonna think about the grade on that test. Which really annoys me, cause I studied.
I swear, all the teachers must have plotted putting all the tests at the EXACT SAME TIME on purpose just to make us die.
Friday I was up by 630, took my A&P2 test at 730, took my developmental pysch test at 815, and was at work by 9. Worked for 4 hours, then worked out, and packed up.
Then I met up with Jon Michael and we went to College Station. It was our 2 year anniversary today. We went to Buffalo Wild Wings, our favorite, and watched part of brother #4's baseball game.
Then we drove down to Victoria and hung out with my family and my puppy. We were gonna watch Alice and Wonderland but it was so late by the time we got back I think we would have slept through it. So that's part of tomorrow's agenda.
Also, he bought me the James Avery "lover's knot" ring. I love it. :)
Now I have spring break to look forward to, though I do have a 10 page research paper I have to write over spring break, it's due the Monday we get back. Blah.
This break is much needed, and I'm going to enjoy every minute of it.

Gonna be okay

Well, I didn't get the RA job.
That hurt me pretty bad.
I know that's kinda random, but for some reason, it really made me feel not good enough. And then JM backed out of some plans we had made that day. Shouldn't have bothered me, but it reinforced those feelings I was having.
Now, I know the girl that did get the job is best friends with all the RA's in that building. And my friends were telling me they know that's why she got it.
It made me feel a little better, but basically all of yesterday I just felt like a failure.
Then I went to bible study and we did a lesson on doubting God's love. It was really something I needed to hear at the moment, cause though I don't ever think I doubt God's love, I certainly wonder why He does some of the stuff He does when I know He loves me.
Just listening to all these girls talk about how they feel the same way really made me realize that this isn't something new. And that just because you don't get a job shouldn't affect your life, it shouldn't even affect your day.
So that's what I'm working on. I take things much too hard. My feelings get hurt really easily. But I want to just move on. Roll with the punches. Take what's given to me and know if I didn't get what I wanted, it's because God has something better for me. I just need to look for it.
So, I have a chemistry test tomorrow. It's gonna be okay.
I have an A&P test Friday. It's gonna be okay.
I have a developmental pysch test Friday, and my teacher just told us today that she changed her mind about letting us do it open book, which was what I was banking on.
....
It's going to be okay.
Jeremiah 29:11 will definitely be my verse for the rest of the week.
Well that and James 1:5.

To my UMHB friends :)

I don't want this blog to be just about what I do every day. So rather then tell you about how I slipped and fell outside the sub in the rain on my way to class today and now my leg is slightly swollen, bruised and had been bleeding, I want to explain something.
It's something I actually just figured out myself.
See, I wanted to know why I didn't feel like "a college kid".
Now, when you think of the typical college kid, you think of someone who studies, but is always with friends, pulls all nighters, does crazy random things, etc etc.
That's not really me.
It is me more so than I was last semester though.
Last semester, I pretty much kept to myself. And after thinking about it and really digging into just who I am, I figured out why.
Growing up, I was always with friends. I had tons of friends, even tons of best friends, and I spent as much time with them as I could. Looking back, I was "popular", as lame as that sounds. I still remember when one of my friends called me up begging me not to change my myspace top friends, and when I looked on myspace I was number 1 on 6 different peoples page. Sooo stupid now.But that's how it was until about junior year. Junior year, stuff just started happening with my friends. All those people that I was so close to started doing stuff, some flat out mean and spiteful, some to get attention from other people, some just because they started going down another path. Rumors started being thrown around about me at my church. When I found out who started them, it hurt me pretty bad. When I confronted her about it, she denied it. And then cussed me out to some friends. Who got mad and told me. (which almost caused my boyfriend JM to beat some people up). Some of my friends started partying and drinking, and then lying to me about it to my face. Some would just say one thing to me and then turn around and diss me in front of others. In Victoria, stuff gets around. But basically, I lost my trust in my "friends." And I became a one on one kind of person. I hated going out in groups, because in groups people aren't who they really are. You don't know who someone is until you've been with them one on one. So that was my junior and senior year. I still had some close friends junior year, but my 2 besties went to college my senior year, and I was alone. Honestly, if I didn't have Toler by this time, I don't know how that year would've turned out. He was truly a God-send. I had some other friends, like Deborah, but we didn't become good friends until it was pretty much time for me to leave.
So then I came to UMHB, and I love it here. But last semester, I was never really close with anyone. And honestly, that was probably my fault. I've just been so scared to actually let people see who I am. But this semester, I've actually been hanging with people more. I've got my group of girls who I'm in the Bible study with and I absolutely adore them. I feel like I could call them up at any time with anything and they'd be there to help me. And the boys in CFC are just great. I can finally feel myself opening up again. I'm not just keeping everything inside anymore, all this stuff I'm dealing with, I can actually talk it out with people who genuinely care for me. And it's this weird but awesome feeling. Last semester, it would have been hard for me to go out with a group without Toler, cause he was kind of my security blanket, the person I could rely on. Now God is setting me up to get back where I should have been and get my confidence back in friends.
So all my UMHB buds, just wanted to let you know, I love you guys so much. Just be patient with me, and maybe I'll be a "college kid" before this year is up.

I'm not alright... that's why I need You

Hmm. Today did not turn out at all expected. Why? Here's the bad.
Nothing went as planned.
Almost didn't go to the concert.
My mom had to leave church early cause I was crying to her about... stuff so hard I actually went through a TOWEL.
Ended up screaming "i'm not alright" by sanctus real on the way to houston.
The stupid cops of Houston made me circle for an hour before I could get into my reserved lot.
Drove for 7 hours out of 1 day.
Got judged for going to see a band it's been labeled cool to make fun of, even though they're actually really talented Christian guys with nothing wrong with them.
Here's the good.
Got to spend time with a friend I had always wanted to but never gotten the chance.
Got to see the Jonas Brothers, who did a fantastic job.
My mom gave me $20.

But as is life. I will rejoice in my sufferings, and I will persevere.

Saturdays should not consist of schoolwork

But they do. At least for me today they do. You know it's going to be bad when your teacher's status (who is friends with you on facebook... go UMHB) says "my kids are going to hate me when they see the review I just put up".
I thought today I was just gonna chill and watch GLEE and probably hang with Jenna later on tonight. But for the past couple hours I've been doing this. Read through the beginning at least, I dare you.
Test #2 Review

Chapter 15:
• What are the 2 categories sense organs fall into?
• List examples of general and special senses
• What is the function of sensory receptors?
• Define receptor potential
• What do sensory impulses that end in the brainstem affect?
• What do sensory impulses that end in the thalamus affect?
• What do sensory impulses that end in the cerebral cortex affect?
• Define adaptation and give an example
• Define perception
• What are the differences in distribution of special sense receptors and general sense receptors?
• Define the two-point discrimination test
• What are the three categories of receptors based on location?
• Where are exteroceptors located and what senses do they detect?
• Where are visceroceptors located and what senses do they detect?
• Where are proprioceptors located and what senses do they detect?
• What are the two types of proprioceptors and what is the difference between them?
• What are the six categories of receptors based on stimulus detected?
o Know how each these receptors are stimulated
• What are the two categories of receptors based on structure?
• Define nociceptors
• What are the two types of nerve fibers that carry impulses from nociceptors to the brain?
o Know the difference between these two types of fibers
• What tissue of the body doesn’t contain nociceptors?
• Define referred pain
• Do thermoreceptors adapt quickly?
• Know the difference between how hot and cold react
• What are root hair plexuses and how are they activated?
• How are itch sensations generally caused?
• What is discriminative touch?
o What is it mediated by?
• What two cells make up the tactile receptor unit?
• What are tactile corpuscles?
• What are bulboid corpuscles?
• What are bulbous corpuscles?
• What are lamellar corpuscles?
• What are the two types of stretch receptors?
• Define stretch reflex
• Define golgi tendon reflex
• Define olfaction
• What three components make up the olfactory epithelium?
• What is the typical shape of olfactory neurons?
• Where is olfactory epithelium located?
o Explain why this makes it necessary to sniff to smell better
• Why do olfactory receptors undergo rapid adaptation?
• How are senses of smell and taste closely related?
• What are the sense organs for our sense of taste?
• Define gustation
• What are the four classes of taste buds based on structure?
• What is the name of a chemical that stimulates taste buds?
• What are gustatory cells?
• What are the five primary taste sensations?
• What are the three cranial nerves that are involved in transmitting signals for taste?
o Know which area of the tongue (or other structure) they transmit signals from
• Define flavor
• What two senses does the ear provide?
• What receptor in the ear is responsible for both of these senses?
• What are the three anatomical divisions of the ear?
• What are the two divisions of the external ear?
• What is the tympanic membrane?
• What are the three auditory ossicles?
• What are the openings of the middle ear?
• What is the function of the auditory or Eustachian tube?
• What are the two main parts of the inner ear?
o What structures are in each of these parts?
• What is endolymph?
• What is perilymph?
• What structure of the inner ear is the only one involved in hearing?
• What are the names of the two sections the cochlear duct divides the cochlea into?
• What is the roof of the cochlear duct called?
• What is the floor of the cochlear duct called?
• What is the organ of Corti?
• What is volume and pitch?
• The basilar membrane’s width is not uniform. What functional purpose does this serve?
• How are differences in volume perceived?
• Describe the pathway of sound waves from when they enter the external auditory canal to where they finally hit the round window
• Where are the sense organs for equilibrium located?
• Define static equilibrium
• Define dynamic equilibrium
• Define macula
• What are otoliths?
• Define righting reflexes
• What is the crista ampullaris?
• Define ophthalmology
• What are the four accessory structures of the eye?
• What are the three external eye structures?
• Define palpebrae
• Define conjunctiva
• Define palpebral fissure
• What is the function of the lacrimal apparatus?
• What is the function of the extrinsic eye muscles?
• What is the function of the intrinsic eye muscles?
o What are the muscles of this group?
• What are the three layers of tissues that compose the eyeball?
o Know the parts of each layer
• What is the cornea?
• What is the iris?
• What is the pupil?
• What is the retina?
• What three layers of neurons make up the sensory retina?
• What are the two types photoreceptor cells of the eye called?
• Why is the optic disk known as the blind spot?
• What are the 2 main cavities of the eyeball?
o What are the 2 subdivisions of the front most cavity?
• Define aqueous humor
• Define vitreous humor
• What causes glaucoma?
• What are the four processes focus light rays so that a clear image is formed on the retina?
• What are the refracting media of the eye?
• Define visual acuity
o Know what 20/20, 20/15 and 20/200 mean in terms of visual acuity
• What are common errors of refraction?
• What three changes must occur for near vision?
• How do the ciliary muscles affect lens shape?
• What causes eye strain?
• Define near reflex
• Define photopupil or papillary light reflex
• What is binocular vision and how is it achieved?
• What is convergence?
• What can all light-sensitive pigmented compounds be broken down into?
• What photopigment is found in rods?
• Does the brain perceive color or “black and white” vision from rods?
• What are the three types of cones?
• Does the brain perceive color or “black and white” vision from cones?
Chapter 16
• What system does the endocrine system work with to maintain homeostasis?
o Both of these system uses chemical messengers – what are the chemical messengers of the endocrine system called?
• What are the differences between endocrine and exocrine glands?
• What are neurosecretory cells?
• What are the two categories of hormone based on chemical structure?
• What important lipid are all steroid hormones made from?
• What are nonsteroid hormones primarily synthesized from?
• What are the three types of nonsteroid hormones?
• What is the “lock-and-key” mechanism in terms of hormones and receptors?
• Define signal transduction
• What are three ways in which groups of hormones can affect each other’s actions?
• What must steroid hormones attach to to be able to travel through the blood stream?
• Why are steroid hormone receptors known as the mobile-receptor model?
• What is the end result of steroid hormone action?
• What mechanism do nonsteriod hormones use to perform their action?
o What is another name for this mechanism?
• How do effects of second messenger system by nonsteroid hormones differ from the effects of steroid hormone mechanism?
o In terms of amplification and how quickly effects are seen
• What is another mechanism nonsteroid hormones act through
• Is most hormone secretion regulated through positive or negative feedback loops?
• Define endocrine reflexes
• What is the sensitivity of a target cell to a particular hormone dependent on?
• Define up-regulation
• Define down-regulation
• What are prostaglandins made from?
• Why are prostaglandins called tissue hormones?
• What is the overall function of all prostaglandins?
• What was the pituitary gland formerly called?
• What is the infundibulum?
• What are the two glands that make up the pituitary gland?
• What are the two portions of the adenohypophysis?
• What are the five categories of cells in the adenohypophysis based on what they secrete?
• What are the four ways in which growth hormone affects metabolism?
• What is the main function of prolactin?
• What is the function of a tropic hormone?
• What are the four principle tropic hormones secreted by basophils of the pars anterior?
• What is the function of gonadotropins?
• What are portal systems and why are they beneficial?
• What other structure secretes hormones that control hormone secretion of the adenohypophysis?
• Neurohypophysis is the storage and releasing site for what two hormones?
o What is the function of these two hormones?
• What is the principle hormones of the pineal gland?
• What two hormones make up the thyroid hormone?
o Which of these hormones is secreted in larger amounts?
o Which of these hormones is considered to be the principle hormone?
• What are the two overall effects of calcitonin?
• What hormone is an antagonist to calcitonin?
o What gland releases this hormone?
• Where are the adrenal glands located
• Define adrenal cortex and adrenal medulla
• What are the three layers of the adrenal cortex?
• What is the main function of aldosterone?
• How does the RAAS system help maintain blood pressure?
• What are the main effects of glucocorticoids?
• What kind of tissue makes up the adrenal medulla?
• What two important hormones does the adrenal medulla secrete?
• What is the name of the islands of cells that make up the endocrine portion of the pancreas?
o What four types of cells make up the islets and what do they secrete?
• What is the function of glucagon?
• What is the function of insulin?
• What hormone is somatostatin an antagonist to?
• What main hormone do the testes produce?
• What two main hormones do the ovaries produce?
• What main hormone does the placenta produce?
• What two hormones does the thymus produce?
• What three GI hormones did we discuss in lecture?
• What hormone does the heart produce?
Chapter 20
• What are the two most important functions of the lymphatic system?
• Define edema
• How do lymphatic vessels keep edema from occurring?
• What are the three components of the lymphatic system?
• What are six examples of lymphoid tissue?
• What is the main difference between the lymphatic and general circulatory systems?
• Define lymph
• Define interstitial fluid
• What are lymphatics?
• What are the two main lymphatic trunks?
o Which areas of the body drain into which of these ducts?
• What is the cistern chili?
• Lymphatic vessels resemble veins with three exceptions – what are these exceptions?
• What is the function of the numerous valves located all along the lymphatics?
• Do lymphatics have the ability to regenerate?
• Why is it advantageous for lymphatic vessels to be much more permeable than regular vessels?
• What is the general circulatory flow of lymph?
• Define lymphokinesis
• Since there is no “lymphatic heart” – what three main mechanisms keep lymph flowing, even against the flow of gravity in most cases.
• What are the 2 distinct functions of lymph nodes?
• How do lymph nodes perform as biological and mechanical filtration units?
• Define mastitis
• Define mastectomy
• What is the axillary tail in the breast and what is its clinical significant in terms of breast cancer and/or infections?
• Define tonsillitis
• What are the four groups of tonsils that make up the pharyngeal lymphoid ring?
• Define tonsillectomy
• Define involution
o What lymphatic organ undergoes this process?
• What are the two main functions of the thymus?
• What are the four functions of the spleen discussed in lecture?
• Define splenectomy
Chapter 21:
• Define antigens
• What are the two major immune mechanisms?
o What are some main differences between these two mechanisms?
o What types of cells do both of these mechanisms use?
• What is species resistance?
• What is involved in each of the three lines of defense of our immune system?
• What are the two main mechanical barriers of our immune system?
• Define chemotaxis
• What are four of the characteristic signs of inflammation?
• Define fever
• Why do we get chills when we have a fever?
• What are pyrogens?
• Why do COX inhibitors like aspirin have a fever-reducing effect?
• Define phagocytosis
• How does phagocytosis cross over into the adaptive immune mechanism?
• Define diapedesis
• what is pus?
• What are natural killer cells?
• What are the two receptors that NKCs recognize?
o If NKCs recognize both receptors on one cell, what happens?
o If NKCs recognize only the killer-activating receptor, what happens?
• Define apoptosis
• How does interferon interfere with the ability of a virus to cause disease?
• What is complement?
• In very general terms, what is the main function of toll-like receptors?
• What are the two groups of cells that are the main players in adaptive immunity?
• Define antibody-mediated immunity
o What cells are responsible for this?
o What is another name for this type of immunity?
• Define cell-mediated immunity
o What cells are responsible for this?
o What is another name for this type of immunity?
• Two signals must occur to have activation of lymphocytes – what are they?
• What is the general circulation of lymphocytes?
• Why is it important for lymphocytes to have a good survival value?
• After naïve B cells make antibodies, what do they do with them?
• Naïve B cells are activated when what occurs?
• What two types of cells B cells differentiate into after antigen-antibody binding?
• What is the function of effector B cells (plasma cells)?
• What is the function of memory B cells?
• What is another term for antibody?
• What is the general structure of an antibody?
• Define variable regions
o What purpose do these regions serve?
• What is the somatic recombination theory in terms of antibody diversity?
• How do mutations help in antibody diversity?
• What are the five classes of antibodies?
o Which is made after initial contact with an antigen?
o Which is the most abundant?
• What is the main function of antibodies?
• What are three main affects that the antigen-antibody complex can produce?
• One result of the complement activation is formation of membrane attack complexes (MACs)
o What are these complexes and what is the end result after their formation?
• What are three other functions of complement?
• Can complement be activated without the presence of antibodies?
• What is primary response and secondary response
• How do vaccines and booster shots use primary and secondary response to their advantage?
• What are the two basic principles of the clonal selection theory?
o How do antigens “seal their own fate” according to this theory?
• How do T cells get their name?
• How do T cells react with antigens?
o Compare them to how B cells react with antigens
• Once T cells are sensitized, what two types of T cells do they differentiate into?
• Define immunological synapse (IS)
• What are cytokines?
• What are the five examples of cytokines discussed in lecture?
• How do lymphotoxins kill a cell?
• What is the function of helper T cells?
• What is the function of suppressor T cells?
• What is the difference between natural and artificial immunity?
• What is the difference between active and passive immunity?

Sometimes college really sucks.