He loves me.

God wants what's best for me. He loves me.
I dream of having someone who loves me forever, unconditionally. Why is it that I forget that I do have someone?
In fact, the very someone who invented love?
And He loves ME. A lot. Why does that sometimes not feel like enough? And seriously, how can I forget that?
How does that fade into the back of my mind?
He smiles when He sees me.
He doesn't want to change me, even the things I want to change.
He thinks I'm gorgeous.
I want to live for Him. I really and truly do. I just don't understand how my mind gets distracted.
Especially when I don't want it to.
Jesus is enough for me. I know this. And I believe this. So how do I let satan get in my head and think other thoughts, and then try to justify them? And why am I blind to it until I look back and think wait, what was I thinking? I wanted Jesus, and no one else.
How many times have I done this?
How many times will I continue to do this?
I hate letting people down.
I hate letting my Father down.
Especially when I think about how He loves me more than any human will. I should care more about disappointing Him every second than any human. But that isn't what ends up happening.

I chose my major because this is what God wanted. There is absolutely no way to see that as untrue. When I think back as to how I ended up getting here, I know it's all God. Because trust me, I had no desire to be a nurse until God changed my desires to His. I know this, because I was way too adamant about not being one.
And I'm stubborn, so He really changed my heart.
He's changed me in so many ways since school started. I feel like I'm a different person.
I'm learning to control myself.
I'm making friends out of no where.
I know it's because of God.
He's changing my heart to how I meet people, judge people, want to take care of people I don't even know.
I like this person he's shaping me into. I just wish I could stay focused on Him all the time, and not have moments where I don't know what just happened.

Lord, you're changing me. You know this. I love it. I just wish that I could stay focused on You forever. Please help keep my eyes focused on You throughout the distractions. I'm sorry that I let you down, but thank you so so much for this love that I don't deserve, because I don't know what I'd do without it.
I don't know what I'd do without You.
I love you.