To my UMHB friends :)

I don't want this blog to be just about what I do every day. So rather then tell you about how I slipped and fell outside the sub in the rain on my way to class today and now my leg is slightly swollen, bruised and had been bleeding, I want to explain something.
It's something I actually just figured out myself.
See, I wanted to know why I didn't feel like "a college kid".
Now, when you think of the typical college kid, you think of someone who studies, but is always with friends, pulls all nighters, does crazy random things, etc etc.
That's not really me.
It is me more so than I was last semester though.
Last semester, I pretty much kept to myself. And after thinking about it and really digging into just who I am, I figured out why.
Growing up, I was always with friends. I had tons of friends, even tons of best friends, and I spent as much time with them as I could. Looking back, I was "popular", as lame as that sounds. I still remember when one of my friends called me up begging me not to change my myspace top friends, and when I looked on myspace I was number 1 on 6 different peoples page. Sooo stupid now.But that's how it was until about junior year. Junior year, stuff just started happening with my friends. All those people that I was so close to started doing stuff, some flat out mean and spiteful, some to get attention from other people, some just because they started going down another path. Rumors started being thrown around about me at my church. When I found out who started them, it hurt me pretty bad. When I confronted her about it, she denied it. And then cussed me out to some friends. Who got mad and told me. (which almost caused my boyfriend JM to beat some people up). Some of my friends started partying and drinking, and then lying to me about it to my face. Some would just say one thing to me and then turn around and diss me in front of others. In Victoria, stuff gets around. But basically, I lost my trust in my "friends." And I became a one on one kind of person. I hated going out in groups, because in groups people aren't who they really are. You don't know who someone is until you've been with them one on one. So that was my junior and senior year. I still had some close friends junior year, but my 2 besties went to college my senior year, and I was alone. Honestly, if I didn't have Toler by this time, I don't know how that year would've turned out. He was truly a God-send. I had some other friends, like Deborah, but we didn't become good friends until it was pretty much time for me to leave.
So then I came to UMHB, and I love it here. But last semester, I was never really close with anyone. And honestly, that was probably my fault. I've just been so scared to actually let people see who I am. But this semester, I've actually been hanging with people more. I've got my group of girls who I'm in the Bible study with and I absolutely adore them. I feel like I could call them up at any time with anything and they'd be there to help me. And the boys in CFC are just great. I can finally feel myself opening up again. I'm not just keeping everything inside anymore, all this stuff I'm dealing with, I can actually talk it out with people who genuinely care for me. And it's this weird but awesome feeling. Last semester, it would have been hard for me to go out with a group without Toler, cause he was kind of my security blanket, the person I could rely on. Now God is setting me up to get back where I should have been and get my confidence back in friends.
So all my UMHB buds, just wanted to let you know, I love you guys so much. Just be patient with me, and maybe I'll be a "college kid" before this year is up.